I am still here… I really was afraid I might not be able to stay… I’ve been crying for hours and feel completely wiped, but I will be alright. I called my counselor and she talked me down from being such a wreck, and I went for a long walk outside and that helped a lot. My stomach aches, my chest hurts, and I have a headache, but I still have a place to call home.
I was personally attacked by my ex-sister-in-law. It will take a bit to explain what happened and I may cry again, but I will try. Firstly she has done this before, but before I have not gotten quite so upset. She attacked me right before the election because I am a democrat. She is obviously a very opinionated republican. If you don’t agree with her views you are one of the party who wants to send our country to hell.
I should have known to stay in my room today when she and mother started debating politics, but I did not. My frigging mistake. When she started praising the current administration’s policies I reacted. She said that this administration is working for separation of Church and State and I disagreed. I said that they were trying to cut social programs and make the church take care of the people who need such aid. I feel this is what the faith-based initiative is all about, my opinion and I am in my own home. She said, "Oh, what are you afraid that you’ll stop getting your little check form the government and have to go out and get a real job." I was hurt by her disrespect and my emotions took over. I said, "No, and if I was able I would have a real job." Which is very true, I have a serious psychiatric condition, and though I manage pretty well in normal situations I am not good at handling stress and tend to get overly upset about small things. My family other than my mother, son and one of my nieces tend to be less than understanding of my condition. In fact my oldest brother has even told my son that I am defrauding the government because I am too lazy to work. Which I feel he had no right to say, since I am under psychiatric care and see my counselor weekly to keep me able to cope, especially he should not have said it to my son. But anyway, back to my ex-sister-in-law, she laughed at me, and then said, "Well then who do you think is affected by the cuts?" I said my son, my mom, me and thousands of other people." She said, "Yeah me, that is all you worry about, me me me." At this point I pointed my finger at her and shook it, "You have no right to speak to me that way." She jumped up and grabbed my arm and pushed me, then she tried to break my finger. I began to fight back. My Mom jumped up and tried to separate us. She got scratched in the process as did I. We separated and I called her my ex-sister-in-law a bitch. She called me a little whore… I said, "Well you’re one too." Then I told her to get out of my house. She said, "NO, and you don’t have a right to tell me that. Do you pay rent here?" I said, "Yes, I do, get out of my house." She said, " Well, is your name on the deed?" I said, "No. but it is my home too, so leave." She refused and yelled at me some more about my having no rights.
Mom did not make her leave, and I felt betrayed because I had been attacked in my own home. The bickering continued and she was yelling at me to "Shut up." Alex finally came out of his room and got between us. He calmly asked her not to tell me to shut up and my-ex-sister-in-law made a snide remark at him and told him to tell me to shut up then. He said, "I will not tell my mother to shut up and you should not either."
Then he left the house and got in my car and swept gravel everywhere leaving to go to my brother’s house. Meanwhile I went back to my room and called my best friend. I asked her if all this abuse should have been heaped on me. She knows my ex-sister-in-law and wondered what the hell was her problem.
I then began to cry and called my counselor, but only got to leave a message. The bitch was still in the house laughing and having a good time with Mom. I stayed in my room with the door shut. eventually I had to go to the refrigerator to get a coke. Mom asked me if Alex was back yet. I said no because I did not see the car. Mom told me I better go look for him because he had left my brother’s house. I went outside and saw the car, but not my son. I looked up and spotted him lying in the bed of mother’s truck. He told me that my brother had fussed him out and disrespected him again, and he did not want to talk to me right now. I went to the trampoline and cried some more, because now I felt like Alex disliked me, too.
Eventually I went back inside and straight to my room. Mom answered the phone because I was afraid to because it might be my brother. It was my counselor and I told her the whole story through my tears. She offered support and told me every thing was going to be okay, even though I was scared that my brother might come kick me out any moment. We have a session Tuesday. The witch finally left and my counselor talked to my Mom. She kinda wants Mom at my next session, but I am not sure about this… my counselor says I don’t have to decide right now. She says whatever I decide about that is okay.
There is more that transpired this evening, but I am still shaking and have made more typos than ever before. So I am going to stop there for now. Will you say a prayer for me, please, because I am not doing so well tonight.
I really am sorry all this happened, partly because it hurt me more than anyone else, and partly because such actions and words are so below me.
I better go now. Thanks for reading.