More 40 Days and 40 Nights…

Day 5: Soft Belly

 

 

Journal Prompts and My Responses

 

 

List what you are postponing because it is too scary, too difficult, or too painful…

 

Exercising daily

 

Giving up on ever resuming a relationship with Jeff

 

Writing the story of my life

 

Writing a novel

 

Painting on canvas

 

Writing in a nice blank book

 

Sending some of my works out to publishers

 

Trying to reconcile my relationships with my two brothers

 

Applying for jobs

 

Putting a halt to spending on credit

 

Making an appointment for a complete physical

 

Coloring my hair

 

Telling Mom that this is my life and I will live as I choose

 

Writing a poem

 

Drawing a picture

 

Using my cameras

 

List your regrets, disappointments, your most profound “If onlys…” and “I should haves.”

 

Sending the card to Misty that resulted in Jeff’s throwing me out of his life

Letting my dream of publishing OC go because I lacked money

 

Not following through with Vocational Rehab and going to college as I had planned

 

Moving back in with Mom

 

Allowing Mom to lend me money so that she has control over me

 

Getting married so young when I should have went to college instead

 

Terminating my pregnancy with Katherine Rose

 

Not fighting my unfair termination from Speedway/Starvin’ Marvin

 

Not trying harder to get my goods from Jeff when he kicked me out

 

Letting physical problems keep me from enlisting in the Army

 

Spending money I do not have

 

Seldom going to Church

 

Never finishing my stories and novels

 

Failing to lose weight

 

Failing to become a famous author

 

Acting like everything is okay when in reality my world is falling apart

 

Choose one of the above and pretend you have the power to change the past. How would your life be different right now?

 

If I had controlled my spending, I would not be in a financial crisis right now. Granted I would have fewer things but I might be more content because there would be less stress. I would not be in debt to mother and have her gripes to put up with in that situation. Sure, she would gripe, but I would not feel guilty and allow her words to legislate my life.

 

Moodlings… On The Simple Abundance Companion

 

Five things for which I am grateful today:

  1. The abounding grace of God
  2. My relationship with Alex
  3. My unicorn statuette
  4. Tomorrow being a new day
  5. Forever Friends

 

Emotional talismans I treasure:

  1. The plaque I earned for outstanding performance while at Speedway
  2. The ink pen with Tweety Bird on it that Alex gave me for Christmas in 1999
  3. The bookshelf Mike made for me for Christmas in 1999
  4. The Writer at Large tub that Richard gave me for my birthday one year
  5. The Believe in your self embroidery that Braswell gave me.
  6. This computer which is a gift to myself to inspire my writing and art
  7. Stephanie Denita my Cabbage Patch Kid who comforts me over the loss of my girls
  8. Faithfully the Build a Bear koala that Alex gave me for my birthday in 2000
  9. The Create cup that Sam gave me
  10. The unicorn snow globe mother gave me in 1996
  11. Hopeful the stuffed doggy mother gave me one year for Valentine’s Day
  12. The letters I earned in chorus in high school
  13. The necklace Jeff gave me for Christmas 1996
  14. The blank books I have bought and am saving to put something important into

 

A dream I may have abandoned:

Becoming a published writer or acclaimed artist are things on which I have given up. I do not believe my work is good enough to compete with the real writers and artists out there. I think my work is okay, but why should anyone buy from someone like me. I am a novice and I have failed at so many things in life. Crazy creatives are many and I am one of the worst. I do not deserve to be recognized beyond the present level. I still want to succeed, but I am afraid it will never happen

 

I went to bed at 4:00AM and woke up at 9:30AM for a phone call. I am not staying up long because I need a little more sleep, but I needed to get a new entry posted.

 

The last thing about A dream I may have abandoned: may be wrong. I really want to be a published writer and in a way I am doing that here… I still have the dream to get OC up and running so that I can publish my own stuff. It is gradually coming true.

 

Thanks for stopping by, and have a great day. Mine should be fine, except I have to return the software I bought at CompUSA. I found that package much cheaper elsewhere.

 

Smiles,

Jo Ann  

Advertisements
  1. #1 by kala on April 4, 2005 - 11:52 am

    When I was younger, I was raised to believe I was a failure. A very wise man said this too me…Just remember, hold your head high, walk tall, put a smile on that face, and people WILL SEE you as a winner, and that is what you need to BELIEVE you are a winner.NEVER give up, trust me there is nothing in the world that should make you belive that you can\’t do it. You should come by and click on "History behind the Goddess" catagory on my blog to see exactly what I mean.Smile, you are a beautiful, and wonderfully talented woman, believe!!GODDESS

  2. #2 by Laoch on April 4, 2005 - 4:49 pm

    Wow.

  3. #3 by Zen on April 4, 2005 - 9:24 pm

    Since FPP beat me to the caring nuturing route, I\’ll go for the direct slap in the face route.Do it, or die never having tried. Either way you\’re still dead. But only by the first were you ever alive.

  4. #4 by Shari on April 5, 2005 - 1:34 am

    I hope you don\’t give up on writing since that is obviously your dream. Writers make others see things with new eyes,and experience worlds they could not imagine.

  5. #5 by Shari on April 5, 2005 - 1:39 am

    Hey, it\’s not really any of my business, but have you thought of writing vignettes about your life? I see one on the card/Misty/Jeff situation and several other things you mentioned. Just a thought….

  6. #6 by Jo Ann on April 5, 2005 - 5:28 pm

    I see there were lots of comments yesterday…Goddess, I will remember what you say. I really was feeling extremely pessimistic the day I wrote this piece. Right now I feel much better about life. I have moved forward a long way since October of 2004.Loach, this was pretty much a Wow! experience for me, too. Posting it here was a little more than I thought I would ever do.Zen, I am in a much better place now. You don\’t have to slap me. I intend to follow my passion the rest of my life. I have tried to make it clear that some of these entries were written a while ago. I do not often feel so low anymore.Shar, I am trying very hard to stay true to all my dreams right now. It may take some time, but I am in this for the long haul. I could not stop writing if I wanted to do so. It is in my blood, just as much as blogging is these days.I might think of developing those tales a little further, in fact I have a short story about what happened the day of the Misty/Jeff disaster. I like what I did.

  7. #7 by Shari on April 6, 2005 - 1:40 am

    Well, if you are ever in need of an audience, I am a voracious reader/writer in training. 😛 Keep up the good work!

  8. #8 by Jo Ann on April 6, 2005 - 4:21 am

    I think I might take you up on that offer in the near future… I have a few things I would really like to test.Smiles,Jo Ann

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: