I am thinking that it is really late to get an entry on here. However, I did have extenuating circumstances in this case. Last night I could not fall asleep because I am so stressed over my finances so I actually got some shut eye around 4:30AM. I woke up briefly and had a handful of pistachios around 9:30AM when the phone woke me from the sleep of the dead. I think the thing rang a hundred times before it woke me. I also believe the answering machine was malfunctioning. I went back to bed and did not rouse again until 1:00PM.
I had to take a shower, get dressed, pack a cooler since I go nowhere without soft drinks, grab my waiting room bag and get on the road so that I could stop for gas all before 1:50PM. I got the gas and barely made it to the office on time for my 3:00PM appointment with Brenda, my counselor. Today she ran late, so that my appointment started at 3:30PM, the client before me had an emergency. I was scheduled for a 3:45PM with Dr. Klopper, but I know that was unreasonable to even hope for, the man is always chronically late. I love him anyway, so I will wait, know that is the price I pay for a psychiatrist who understands me somewhat and I think in his way loves me too.
Brenda and I were in session a long time because she had lots to ask about what happened and why I am still manic. She even asked if I was using illegal substances. I would never do that, and know the blood and urine tests at the hospital had ruled it out, but since my episode was so out of character I guess she had to ask. We talked about how I am still in a hurry to talk without allowing myself sentence breaks. I rarely slow down for breath. I just want to convey everything at once. I set up another appointment for next Monday. We also discussed my finding a backup support alternative. This is to give another option for more frequent care. Everyone is concerned that even a week may be too long between sessions right now. I know I will be okay, but extra support is a safety net right now.
I waited until 5:45PM to see Dr. Klopper. He would not allow me to come off of any of the Depakote right now, but he lowered my Geodon back to my usual dose. Now I take 160mg Geodon and 1500mg Depakote at 8:00PM. The Depakote still seems awfully high to me, but my doctor says I might slip back into severe mania without the medicine right now. I will follow any orders he gives so long as I may stay out of the hospital. I do not wish to be inpatient again. I find it about untenable.
I did not get to leave the office until after 6:00PM because I had to schedule an appointment for Dr. Klopper on Monday of next week. The drive home was fine, I did really good driving today even though it had been almost two weeks since I had driven. I was a little nervous, but I always am when I am a little hyped up some way.
When I got home which was around 7:30PM I had to eat. I ate quite a lot before I stopped simply because I had not eaten much all day. I took my medicine and I had to make a phone call and take a phone call from Leigh who sometimes can talk me beyond the point I want to converse.
It has taken me a while to type this even though I wish I could type faster. I tend to believe typing will never become natural to me. I never have developed much aptitude for typing and do it poorly sometimes. When I am stressed it is very hard for me.