Just to let you know that things are very busy here. Alex came home last Friday and has decided to stay here for the Summer because there is more to do here than with his father. He has gotten a job and is working this morning. We are going up to Chattanooga to recover his clothes this evening.
I am not doing well at all. I am definitely having delusions, obsessive thoughts, and hallucinations, but I am trying to cope. I kinda know what is going on but am very scatterbrained. I can not keep up with my keys, manage paperwork, or do much that is constructive right now. The paranoia is extremely bad.
I know some of you really care about me so I wanted to let you know I am still in the partial hospitalization program, but I am not really progressing. Things in group frighten me terribly. There was a man there yesterday who yelled several times that we were all going to hell. He even named each of us and it just fed my paranoia and delusions. I really want to quit the program. I come home so stressed I do not act normally here. Alex says I need to go back in the hospital, but I do not want to go back in because I lose so much there. I really need to learn to deal with people, but the way things are I do not feel any better. I usually just deal with all the psychosis by withdrawing from life, but that has not made me productive and competent so I want more. I cannot stay in my house or with someone I know every day for the rest of my life. I have to learn to cope, but I am not doing it well at all.
I am having a great deal of difficultly writing this and it is taking an awful long time. I hope all of you are doing well.