Archive for July, 2005

Saturday, July 30, 2005

 

I have been out of the partial hospitalization program over a week now and I am doing well. I do miss going to the program, but it was getting less efficient for me as time wore on.

 

Alex goes back to school Monday, August 1… too early for a return to school in my opinion, but the powers that be have chosen. I believe that Georgia will soon go to year round organized daycare (school) because that seems to be what some people believe is best for youngsters. I disagree with the premise and am glad my one offspring will not be subject to such torment.

 

The start Alex’s senior year has me thinking how little time is left before he will be joining the Marines. I cannot seem to convince him that this is not a good time to consider military service and I am very afraid of what may happen when he joins up. I know this is still months away from that time, but I very much fear for the life of my only child.

 

I feel I am such a failure as a mother because I cannot financially provide opportunities for Alex so that the military does not seem the best option open to him. God knows I would give everything to keep him safe.

 

I read an excellent collection of novellas entitled Transgressions edited by Ed McBain. Ten outstanding writers contributed stories of crime, mystery, and suspense. I enjoyed reading this form from familiar names. Check it out if you have some time for a good read.

 

I applied for a part time cashier position at K-Mart and evidently will be starting work this week. I hope to find a better opportunity, but with my not working since 1993 I figure I have to start somewhere and I definitely need the money. My financial situation continues to deteriorate. I wish I had never made the decisions I did while I was so ill. I feel a total idiot for getting myself into such a mess.

 

Hopefully things will improve. I must believe so or be overwhelmed by sorrow. I choose not to be overcome and believe that somehow my problems can be turned to good.

 

Smiles,

Jo Ann

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Update – Long Overdue

 

I have not that much to say, but I wanted you all to know that I am still at home. I should finish up my partial hospitalization program this coming Thursday. I am not sure that I have progressed as much as I would have liked, but I cannot stay in the program forever.

 

Alex finished up his summer job on Thursday. That was also my birthday. I had a good day. We went to Olive Garden for dinner. I would rather have gone to Outback, but could not afford the expense. I hope my forty-second year is more fortunate than the forty-first. I do not think that I can survive another year that brings so much disaster. Two breakdowns in one year is a record for me. Usually one suffices to mess up everything.

 

I am still trying to figure out how I am going to rectify the financial mess I made while I was manic. So far I have come up with no solution. Any suggestions would be appreciated…

 

Bubbles

 

Whatever I do seems

To go drifting up

Toward heaven

Like bubbles on

A gentle wind,

Only I wish that

Those bubbles

Would stay aloft

Instead of bursting

And leaving me

To start all over again.

 

© Jo Ann J. A. Jordan

Saturday, July 16, 2005

 

Just a little musing that came to me now. Actually I think things are going to get better, I just don’t know when.

 

 I have been reading quite a lot lately. I highly recommend both Your Best Life Now by Joel Osteen and The Historian by Elizabeth Kostova.

 

I guess the reason I have not been on here lately is that I just cannot come up with much to say. I do not know how I managed to write here everyday before, but now I just come up blank. Being in therapy I stay pretty busy too and have not so much time to write.

 

Today is the first day I have even turned the computer on in weeks. I do not know if this is a good thing or a bad one. I guess since I was spending most of my time in front of the computer before that it is good, but I miss the time I spent blogging. I most miss my friends here. I wish I could think of more to say.

 

I hope all of you are well and that you prosper as time goes by.

 

Smiles,

Jo Ann

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