I am reading and doing the exercises in The Write-Brain Workbook 366 Exercises to liberate your writing by Bonnie Neubauer. I have already entered two of the exercises here on the blog and the paragraph that follows is another one. I recommend this book to anyone who is having problems with creative block. It does have a tendency to get the brain working on writing. The exercises are fun as well.
The post card arrived… from Alaska where my brother James was living out his exile. He wrote that it was cold, dark, and dismal. He wished he were back here in Georgia. My brother had been sent away because he and I could not get along. Every time he got near me, he had something negative to say about me. Some sort of put down that lowered my self-esteem was always coming out of his mouth. To give me a break the powers that be had chosen to send him away. They felt Alaska was appropriate because my brother does not like the cold very much, plus it was far enough away that all communication with me would have to be long distance. After a few weeks in exile, my brother was ready to come home. He even wrote that he missed me and wished he could see me. I was not convinced that his wanting to see me was a good thing. Maybe while he was away, he had no one to inflict his tongue-lashings on and he felt the need to complain about someone convenient like me. The post card maintained our distance and gave him little space to express his dissatisfaction with me. I guessed we would have to let him come home eventually, but for a while longer, he could stay in the great white north.
Really, I don’t want my brother to suffer. I just wish that he could be a little kinder to me. He does not have to say awful things about me every time he comes into my presence. His words give me the impression he hates me although he tells my mother he loves me. I cannot imagine denigrating someone so much without hating him or her. I love my brother and sincerely wish that we had a good relationship. I realize I have made some very bad choices and terrible mistakes in my life, but I did not set out to intentionally mess up. My life has not been easy, and I do not think my brother understands the difficulties I have faced. He may know some of the hardships intellectually, but he lacks experience of how they affect a life. I wish I were successful in the monetary sense that seems to mean so much to him, but I probably never will accomplish that to his satisfaction. I try to live the best I can within the circumstances life gives me. I realize I am far from exemplary, but I do some things well. No one is perfect, not even my brother.
I did not go to bed until a little after 2:00am and I woke up at 7:10am to get Alex off to school. I feel like lying back down, but I will not because I do not want to mess up my schedule of sleeping at night. I do not want to go back to the pattern I had early last year. It took a great deal of effort to turn my sleeping patterns around to where I sleep during the hours of darkness. I was going to bed very early while I was working, but now I seem more able to stay up late.
The ideal place to write would be equipped with a well-stocked roll top desk. It would contain a selection of my favorite pens and various types of paper including blank books to tempt me into writing. I would sit there to write with a favorite pen on paper. There would be shelves of books in the room, especially writing books and reference books, so that help was always close at hand. It would also contain a desk with a computer that I could use when I had an urge to write electronically. This computer would be full of enticing and helpful programming that made the job of writing easier. The chair I sat in to work would be very comfortable and facilitate sitting for long periods. The light in the room would be bright though not harsh and there would be a window with a view of pleasant tree lined acres or of the ocean. I would always have something to soothe and inspire me just outside. I probably will not ever have an ideal place to write, but what I do have is not bad. I have many of the elements I desire though my space is limited. I can imagine myself in my ideal space any time and that just might be enough to encourage me to write something.
I am enjoying being able to write more in my blog. I hope that I continue to have something to say here. It was not only being busy that kept me from blogging much in the last few months. I just did not seem to have anything to say. It was a case of all the inspiration drying up. I hope I am out of that morass of intellectual vacuity.
Hooray! I found the blank books with my journal prompts written in them. I had looked all over the place. Even went out and searched through the garbage. They were hidden on a shelf right where they ought to have been. I hate it when I lose things. I wanted the journal prompts so that maybe I could send them off to a publisher. I think my idea for Just Journal For Fun could sell. In addition, I use the prompts sometimes to get me writing. The entry On Love was from one of my prompts. Even though I wrote it in 2002, it seems to have a timeless quality.
It has been dark and dreary all day and now it has begun to rain. I guess I will not get to walk today. Maybe tomorrow I can walk. I really do intend to do it. I just have not gotten around to it yet. Procrastination about exercise is a practice I have down to an art, and my figure shows it.