Archive for January, 2006
I resigned from Kmart because I was still ill when it was time to return to work. Now I am beginning to regret that decision at times. I am trying to begin a web design business, but that is not going too well. I have the desire and am mastering the skills, but I have no clients.
Being home has its advantages… I can do the things for Mom and Alex that I need to do. Alex’s car has a massive coolant leak so he is dependant on me to transport him. I have no idea when his father will be able to fix the car. It could be a week or it could be months. Meanwhile it is good that I am home.
I read Turning Angel by Greg Iles. It is a excellent suspense novel. The beginning caught my attention and the rest of the book kept me a captive audience until the end.
The new Medicare Part D coverage is a true disgrace. My mother who takes thirteen medications a day will now be paying more for her prescriptions than she was before the program took effect. I had gotten her on the pharmaceutical companies plans so that she was getting a few of her medications at no cost and others for a small copay through Together Rx. Now those programs are gone and she has to pay more for her medicines again. She has enough income that she does not qualify for the low income assistance, but all that income and much more is eaten up by the expense of her medications. She is threatening stopping taking her medicine because of the cost and I know that without her meds she will speedily become incapacitated and die. I want my mother to have a good quality of life and to live as long as possible. It seems there should be some sort of catastrophic coverage for people like her. She has the following list of conditions: Hysterectomy, Thyroidectomy, Appendectomy, Arthritis, Parkinson’s Disease, Acid Reflux or GERD, Geographic Tongue, Spastic Colon, Diverticulitis, Eczema, High Blood Pressure, Depression, Hallucinations, and Small Strokes. Most of these conditions require medication and some require more than one to control symptoms or prevent problems. The medications for these particular diseases are very expensive. During the phase of the year (two to three months) which Medicare Part D plans do not cover any medication at all it will take more than my mother earns in Social Security to pay for her medications. Plus now she has to pay for the Medicare Part D coverage. I truly wish this plan had never come into existence. I was able to help her before by researching and filling out yards of paperwork, but now I cannot do anything to help.
Today marks ten years since my father’s death. Mom seemed to handle the day fairly well. She did mention it to me, but she was not choked up about it. It just seemed that she wanted me to recognize the fact that he was gone. I had already thought about it, and I am sorry he is gone in one part of me and glad in another. My father abused me sexually as a child and even as an adult. I have long since forgiven him and I still love him, but it is better that he is gone. There are others, even in my family, who hold great anger and hate toward my father and it is better that he is not here to reap their vengeance.
Nothing bad nor unusual happened here today although some consider Friday the 13th an unlucky day. I find that most days are just days with twenty-four hours to fill in whatever way I choose. I do not pretend to control it all, but I find what I get out of the day often depends on what I put into it. My happiness is largely dependant on how I choose to view the occurrences I encounter. That is not to say I do not have bad days, because inevitably I do. I fight depression quite a lot of the time and am saddened by many things in my life. However, in any particular moment I can choose happiness. The problem lies in stringing a lot of happiness together. Circumstances make that hard at times.
My love life is a shambles again because of problems with my family. I wish they could allow me the freedom to choose who I want to be with and recognize that I am an adult. My choices are mine and I should love who I want to, but they disapprove so I cannot see him. This hurts my heart. One day maybe I will tell you the story of my star crossed love… for now suffice it to say we have a tale of epic proportion.
I am glad the holidays are over and the New Year has begun, although each day is one closer to the time Alex leaves to go in the Marines. I wish I could turn back time and keep him with me longer. I am going to miss my son tremendously when he is gone. To those of you who have little ones I say treasure every precious moment with your children for they grow up much too fast. Never let one day pass without letting them know how much you love them for you cannot go back and fill in the ones you missed.
I have not written any poetry lately. I hope to do so soon. Maybe I will have something to post next time I do an entry.
That is about all I can think of to say right now. This blogging is not as easy as it used to be or maybe I just edit myself more these days.
Hope your day is full of joy.