Cut Short…

 

Today started out promising to be a wonderful day. I got up at 8:00am, which is early for a Saturday morning. I had plans though so it was no problem. I got dressed in something a little bit special and put on make-up which I hardly ever wear. Mom knew where I was going, but Alex was left in the dark because he does not approve. It makes me nervous to hide things from Alex, but I cannot give up seeing this man because of him. At 9:00, I left the house. I drove with nothing on my mind except seeing my love. Traffic was moving well so I made it to our meeting place early. He was there waiting for me.

 

I was so happy to see him. It had been over a month since we last saw one another. Every time we meet is a stolen moment in time. I have to hide the time for which I live. We got out of our vehicles, hugged each other tight, and kissed hungrily. I told him that I loved him and he said the same to me. We got into his truck and left the parking lot. We conversed as we drove to his house. There is always so much I want to say and so little time to say it.

 

We got to the house and as usual, I felt it was a miracle just being there with him. We hugged and kissed passionately again. We spent the next hour and a half enjoying each other. He took some pictures of me for when I was not there to be with him with his new Nikon digital camera. He showed me some of the things he had ordered for me for the next time we are together. We told each other "I love you" several times.

 

We went out for lunch. The restaurant was busy and noisy so we could not talk much, plus his boss kept emailing him on his Blackberry while we were out. When we got in the truck his boss called him. The network was down at the office and he had to go in to fix a router. He is the network administrator and handles all the hardware at the office so he is on call at all times. Our time together was cut short. We shared a few more hugs and kisses and our regrets that we would not get to spend the rest of the day together. It is good that I don’t cry whenever I am sad or tears would have come when we parted with "I love you."

 

As I drove away, my heart was heavy. Being away from him is so hard when once we were so rarely separated. I only wish we could enjoy that level of intimacy again, but the time is not yet. When we are apart, I wonder if our time will ever come again. I know my love for him and know he loves me, but I do not know if he will be willing to gamble on us permanently once more. With my family so against him being a part of my life it is very hard. We do not have the luxury of a normal relationship seeing each other whenever we like. I cannot invite him to my house and I cannot stay with him overnight. However, if we make it through this I think our relationship will be stronger.

 

When I got back to my town, I stopped at Sam’s Club and looked around a bit. I am thinking about buying tax software so that I can file electronically since it looks like I might get quite a refund back. I hate to spend money on the software when I can fill out my own return, but I do not know how to file electronically without some sort of software. It seems like they would have a way to file electronically free for those of us who are poor.

 

I got home so early that my mother thought that something was wrong. She wanted to know if I was telling the truth when I told her what had happened. I had to explain it to her fully, and then she understood. I am so glad she decided she would keep my secret from Alex and my brother, James. I am afraid of both their reactions if they knew I was seeing my love again.

 

I just wish the part of the day I spent with my love had lasted longer, but I am grateful for the time we had together. Maybe next time we will get to share a whole day.

 

I read all the blogs on my lists. I have spent the evening trying to stay busy.

 

Smiles,

Jo Ann

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  1. #1 by Sugar on February 5, 2006 - 1:49 am

    I\’m sorry you had to go through that, Jo Ann.  And no, it doesn\’t make you strange to hope he\’s in heaven.  It is only in heaven that we can fully heal from human faults, negativities and its bondage so to speak.  Its good that you don\’t carry a vengence or guilt because of it.  Can\’t live your life in the past but should learn from every situation whether its negative or positive.
     
    The 21 year old man who did that to me passed away several years ago in a plane crash and I did ask God to help him realize what he\’d done so he could forgive himself.  I feel we don\’t have to forgive people for abusive things they\’ve done to us just so long as we let God handle it and guide us through.
     
    Glad you had a wonderful time with your love.  You deserve to be happy.
     
    Kim

  2. #2 by Christie on February 5, 2006 - 4:53 pm

    if u go to http://www.irs.gov they will direct u to sites that r free to use and u can file electronically

  3. #3 by Reeking Havoc's Lair on February 5, 2006 - 5:54 pm

    Hi, JoAnn! I like the picture you chose for your profile…

  4. #4 by Jo Ann on February 6, 2006 - 12:10 am

    Kim, I am glad you understand and don\’t think I am strange. Forgiveness was the only option for me because I loved him in spite of what he had done. I did have a wonderful time with my love. I only wish it had lasted longer. Happiness is an elusive thing.
     
    Christie, thank you for suggesting that I look at http://www.irs.gov. I was able to use CompleteTax and file free for federal and only $9.95 for state. I will get my refunds much faster this way and can take the software I bought to use back for a $25.00 refund. You saved me a good bit of money.
     
    Thank you RH for the compliment on the picture. I like that one  better than the one that was previously displayed.
     
    Smiles,
    Jo Ann

  5. #5 by Melissa on February 6, 2006 - 6:27 pm

    WoW! Sorry I havven\’t been by in awhile. Thank you SO MUCh for your visits, they always bring a smile to my face  🙂
     
    Umm……im love!?  YaY!
     
    M~

  6. #6 by Jo Ann on February 8, 2006 - 2:40 pm

    Melissa, thank you for stopping by. I try to get around to other blogs as often as possible. Sometimes things are so busy I may not visit as frequently as I would like. I am in love, but it is nothing new. I have loved this man for over 14 years. We were married once upon a time. I think I will love him until I die. I don\’t know if we will ever be able to have a normal relationship again, but I keep hoping.
     
    Smiles,
    Jo Ann

  7. #7 by Shari on February 9, 2006 - 7:55 pm

    So, why is the family so against your love?

  8. #8 by Stephen on February 10, 2006 - 10:32 am

    JoAnn –
     
    First it\’s quality, not quantity … but I think you already know that. The relationship really isn\’t anyone elses business but yours and his. It\’s not for others to approve or disprove. I\’m glad you were able to spend at least some time together and it most certainly sounds like quality time. I\’m VERY happy for you both. 🙂
     
    In this crazy, screwed up world we all need that special someone that loves us for us, not what they want us to be. 🙂
     
    Many Hugs –
    Stephen

  9. #9 by Roxie on February 10, 2006 - 12:08 pm

    My sweet heart is studying to be an admin.  I love sam\’s club. I hope you can have much more time together in the futre. 😉

  10. #10 by Sarah on February 14, 2006 - 9:46 pm

    I am sorry that your time was cut short with your love.  I hope you got to make the best of the time that you were together.  It is amazing how love makes all thing seem better.  It is so wonderful to have that bouce in your step that you have when you are in love!
     
    Sarah

  11. #11 by SillyCrystalD on February 17, 2006 - 11:16 am

    Hey hon! Hang in there you! I wanted to let you know that I\’ve finally gotten my website updated…so there\’s pictures on there now! I know you were by hope\’s site..but I have some you may have not seen. TAKE CARE!!

  12. #12 by Jo Ann on February 19, 2006 - 2:19 pm

    Hi SharBear, the family is against my love because of some of the things he has done in the past. He divorced me and that was a highly contested thing. We got back together and then he kicked me out because I disobeyed his wishes in a very bad way. When he kicked me out he placed a lot of Alex\’s and my stuff on his carport and someone else came and stole our stuff. My family feels it was his fault that these things disappeared so they are angry at him. I have forgiven him, because I know that he is sorry that it all happened the way it did. However, my family is not so forgiving.
     
    Hi Stephen, we always count any time we are allowed together as precious. It was unfortunate that he had to go in to work, but we did spend some quality time together. I am grateful that I was able to see him at all. He is very special to me. I wish my family approved, but I cannot allow their disapproval to keep us apart. He is a treasure of my heart.
     
    Hi Renshai, I wish your sweetheart good luck with being an administrator. It can be a demanding positions. Sam\’s Club is one of my favorite places to shop. I am lucky my Mom has a membership and allows me her secondary card.  I think there is a good possibility that I will have much more time with my love in the future.
     
    Hi Sarah, the time we had was wonderful. I am so in love with him that the world seems a better place, even though we are not allowed much time together. I hope that the future will find us together much more.
     
    Hi Crystal, I am hanging in. I am glad you are back and will come by to see your pictures. I am so happy for you.
     
    Smiles,
    Jo Ann

  13. #13 by Lynn on February 21, 2006 - 7:30 pm

    You can also go to turbotax.com without buying the software.  I do it every year and I pay a nominal fee and they save your info from year to year so you only have to update every year.  I love it.  Love your space too.
    Lynn

  14. #14 by Jo Ann on February 22, 2006 - 6:43 pm

    Hi Lynn,
     
    Thank you for stopping by. I used CompleteTax this time and it was great. I think I will use it again. I am glad you liked my space. I hope you will visit often.
     
    Smiles,
    Jo Ann

  15. #15 by bren on February 27, 2006 - 12:28 pm

    This romance must be so stimulating for you. Like a forbidden fruit, no doubt. Ohhh the passion!
    I\’m glad to see you are savoring the moments you have together.

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