Today started out promising to be a wonderful day. I got up at 8:00am, which is early for a Saturday morning. I had plans though so it was no problem. I got dressed in something a little bit special and put on make-up which I hardly ever wear. Mom knew where I was going, but Alex was left in the dark because he does not approve. It makes me nervous to hide things from Alex, but I cannot give up seeing this man because of him. At 9:00, I left the house. I drove with nothing on my mind except seeing my love. Traffic was moving well so I made it to our meeting place early. He was there waiting for me.
I was so happy to see him. It had been over a month since we last saw one another. Every time we meet is a stolen moment in time. I have to hide the time for which I live. We got out of our vehicles, hugged each other tight, and kissed hungrily. I told him that I loved him and he said the same to me. We got into his truck and left the parking lot. We conversed as we drove to his house. There is always so much I want to say and so little time to say it.
We got to the house and as usual, I felt it was a miracle just being there with him. We hugged and kissed passionately again. We spent the next hour and a half enjoying each other. He took some pictures of me for when I was not there to be with him with his new Nikon digital camera. He showed me some of the things he had ordered for me for the next time we are together. We told each other "I love you" several times.
We went out for lunch. The restaurant was busy and noisy so we could not talk much, plus his boss kept emailing him on his Blackberry while we were out. When we got in the truck his boss called him. The network was down at the office and he had to go in to fix a router. He is the network administrator and handles all the hardware at the office so he is on call at all times. Our time together was cut short. We shared a few more hugs and kisses and our regrets that we would not get to spend the rest of the day together. It is good that I don’t cry whenever I am sad or tears would have come when we parted with "I love you."
As I drove away, my heart was heavy. Being away from him is so hard when once we were so rarely separated. I only wish we could enjoy that level of intimacy again, but the time is not yet. When we are apart, I wonder if our time will ever come again. I know my love for him and know he loves me, but I do not know if he will be willing to gamble on us permanently once more. With my family so against him being a part of my life it is very hard. We do not have the luxury of a normal relationship seeing each other whenever we like. I cannot invite him to my house and I cannot stay with him overnight. However, if we make it through this I think our relationship will be stronger.
When I got back to my town, I stopped at Sam’s Club and looked around a bit. I am thinking about buying tax software so that I can file electronically since it looks like I might get quite a refund back. I hate to spend money on the software when I can fill out my own return, but I do not know how to file electronically without some sort of software. It seems like they would have a way to file electronically free for those of us who are poor.
I got home so early that my mother thought that something was wrong. She wanted to know if I was telling the truth when I told her what had happened. I had to explain it to her fully, and then she understood. I am so glad she decided she would keep my secret from Alex and my brother, James. I am afraid of both their reactions if they knew I was seeing my love again.
I just wish the part of the day I spent with my love had lasted longer, but I am grateful for the time we had together. Maybe next time we will get to share a whole day.
I read all the blogs on my lists. I have spent the evening trying to stay busy.