Creative Journal – Entry Sixteen – Death
Tuesday, October 27, 2009
Every moment rushing by ushers me nearer my certain death. I do not fear the ending of my life here on earth, for I am assured a place in Heaven afterward. Yet, I do not wish to leave those who are dear to me behind. I try to be careful so that I may prolong my life on this plane of existence. Death is not something I would choose at this time. I want to live and enjoy the happiness of life.
I have faced death many times. We are close acquaintances, but we are not friends. Most recently I watched as day-by-day death crept closer to my brother, James. Because of his dire sufferings, I counted his death a blessing, for I could not continue watching him slip further away from his vital life. My brother was an active man always doing something, going somewhere. Being reduced to daily pain was no life for such a man. Death finally claimed him by way of cancer, a terrible wasting away.
My nephew, Jim, was taken too soon by death in an auto accident. He was only twenty-six in January 1996 when he was killed. It was a blow to the whole family. Jim was greatly beloved. It seems his death was too much for my Dad to bear, for within ten days he also died. An aneurysm in his aorta burst and caused his death. Death freed me of my father, but I felt great pity for my mother and brother. I did not take the two deaths so quickly well; I slipped away from reality and had a breakdown.
My next encounter with death was when I lost my twins in 2000. That was a horrible blow and made me even more aware how fragile life is.
Death has taught me to treasure life and live it more fully. I do not miss any opportunity to tell those who are dear to me that I love them. I make an effort to show my love any way I can. Life is brief and any time could be the last I share with a loved one. I do not take the days and moments for granted. I try to maximize the value of each second. I live always with the presence of death one step behind. I pray to God that He will spare me any more deaths of dear ones for some long time.
My Mom is eighty and her health is not good so I worry death may call and claim her any time, but I hope it is not so. She is very dear to me and I am loath to lose her. With Alex in Iraq, I am concerned for his safety. These two people mean the world to me and I do not know how I would go on without either of them. May death stay far from us all.