Creative Journal – Entry Twenty-one – Danger
Sunday, November 01, 2009
I do not like to think of danger, but it is present in my life at times. Whenever I drive into town there seems to be a driver who is not thinking and nearly causes a wreck with me. If I did not pay attention and react quickly, I would be involved in an accident. My Mom does not want me to go to parks to walk Hope because she is afraid I might be in danger from a stranger that meant me harm. I am not afraid anyone would bother me, but I respect her concern for me and do not go out where Mom would worry over me. This fear of danger in my Mom keeps me home much of the time. I would love to get out in the parks and walk Hope. I would enjoy the scenery and the change of location.
I must be careful to get sufficient sleep because if I do not it puts me in danger of having a breakdown. The balance in my life is fragile. There is danger involved when I forget to take my medicine, because missing a dose could cause hallucinations or confused thoughts. I am conscientious about taking my medicine on time. I have a system so that I very rarely miss a dose.
I like to think I am safe here, but I must be aware when I am outside because there is a danger of being attacked by wild animals. We live off the highway, quite distant from our nearest neighbors. I always lock our doors in the house and on our vehicles so that there is no danger of an intruder.
Mom is on twenty-three medications daily and some more than one dose. If I did not carefully set up containers to dispense her medicine properly, she could be in danger. Many of her conditions are serious and missing medicine or taking too much could put her at risk. I must accompany Mom when she is outside or be aware of her location and check on her because there is a danger of her having a small stroke or stumbling and falling.
Alex being in the Marine Corps puts him in positions where there may be danger. I place him in the hands of God and do not worry about his situation very much. I trust that God can protect him from danger. It has been difficult to release Alex to God’s care because I am his Mom and feel responsible for his safety. I had to realize I could not keep him from danger in his chosen circumstances. He is an adult and must make his own decisions. He is happy being a Marine and I must try to be happy for him. He talks of going into a more dangerous specialty and I must attempt to support him. I must try to hide my fear of him being in danger. God goes with him.