Creative Journal – Entry Thirty – Siblings
Tuesday, November 10, 2009
My siblings were both so much older than I that we were not really ever close. My Mom tells me that I was close to my brother, James, when I was very young. I do not remember much of that time. James was fourteen and Melvin was twelve when I was born. By the time I really remember much about my brothers they were married and living on their own. I became an aunt at five years old. My nephews and nieces were more like siblings than were my brothers. I grew up with them and they were often around. When my oldest nephew, Jim, was killed in January of 1996, I was devastated because we were best friends. Jim had many problems, but his attitude toward me was always loving. My niece, Leigh, and I are very close even today. My nephew, Jeremy, is charged with caring for Mom and me now that James is gone. He and I have very good communication, though he stays so busy we rarely see one another.
Now that my brother, James, is dead and my brother, Melvin, has alienated himself from the family for years, I feel I have no siblings. I am glad that James seemed to accept me before he died. He would be proud of me for losing the weight I have since his death. He encouraged me to try to lose the weight. I promised James that I would take care of Mom and I feel close to him at times when I am doing things for her.
I do remember while I was young the family went to Lake Allatoona and Lake Lanier together during the summers. James always had a boat and I would water-ski while he drove or we would ski together while Dad drove. Mom and Dad bought a boat from James and we would have more than one boat at the lake.
My family was very poor before I was born and James encouraged my parents to become more successful. He was always trying to do better than he had before and his success helped spur my Dad to try harder. James helped me whenever I had a bad time, but he was often verbally abusive of me. He always thought I could accomplish more than I did. He could not abide stupidity and would chide me when I made mistakes.
My brother, James, was always my hero. He took care of the family and was always strong in difficult situations. I miss him so much now. I sometimes wish I could turn to my brother, Melvin, but he is no longer family by his own choice. I could get in touch with him, but if he will have nothing to do with my Mom, I cannot be close to him. My Mom has done nothing to deserve his desertion.
I am so glad James was my brother. He was a wonderful sibling, always doing what an older brother should. We did not have sibling rivalry. We accepted that he was the oldest and depended on and I was the youngest and the baby of the family. Although I disappointed James often over the years, I finally made him proud before he died.