Thinking about God

I really do not know how to approach this subject anymore. My ideas and feelings have changed so much. I still tend to think of myself as a Christian, but I am so open-minded and questioning that I am not sure it is a fair characterization anymore.

 

There are so many things about most churches and their people with which I no longer agree. I still pray and find solace in the fact I feel that someone listens, but I do not do it as religiously as I once did. I know most of the fundamentalist Christians will probably ask God to kick me out of Heaven if I am so fortunate as to make it there.

 

See I believe a woman has a right to choose what she does should she become pregnant and finds for personal reasons or health reasons that she cannot carry the child to term. I would never call her a sinner or baby killer if she chose abortion as her best option. Better a child never be born than live a loveless life because of being unwanted. Also there are situations where health concerns for mother or child can make the choice to terminate conscionable. Many of my Christian fellows think this opinion makes me an infidel, I can live with that, I have been called names before.

 

I believe that people who are gay or lesbian should have the right to marry and have the same privileges as heterosexual couples. Love in my opinion makes the union sacred. The ceremony only makes the legalities apply. Any two people who love one another and are committed to one another should be allowed to enjoy the privileges of marriage. I know my church would not be happy should they be fully aware of my opinion. That may, in fact, be one reason I no longer attend services on a regular basis.

 

I no longer believe there is only one path to Heaven. Christianity is wonderful and I find some of its ideas and customs are appropriate to my life, but because someone else sees fit to believe differently does not make me believe they are condemned. I am not even sure I believe in a literal Hell anymore. I have seen enough suffering on Earth that I have a hard time reasoning that a loving God would punish a person forever. My view of God is open to forgiveness for even the most heinous of acts. I can understand how people would be drawn to other faith traditions and I believe most of them would not have survived through time if the paths were not valid ways to connect with God.

 

Judgment is God’s prerogative, and I am only human and prone to mistakes. I cannot stand over my fellow beings and find fault in their beliefs. Beliefs are personal, and I am by my own fallibility unsuited to judge.

 

I constantly educate myself through reading and evaluating ideas with which I come in contact. There is information that informs my opinions, and there are deep emotions involved. I think the Lord is more accepting of us than many of us believe possible. I may be wrong, but I realize I must be true to things I have come to know and feel bound by. I cannot prove the existence of God and so must go on personal faith. Therefore who am I to say someone else’s personal faith is wrong.

 

I may be a heathen and condemned to Hell, but I have been bullied and an outcast before. It would not be the first time I was persecuted for who I was. If that is the truth of the universe, I will deal with it. I think God knows me and understands me, but I have no definite proof. God’s ways are higher than mine are, and somewhat beyond my understanding, so I leave the judgment in the Creator’s hands.

 

Always,

Jo Ann

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  1. #1 by Red on April 17, 2010 - 3:13 pm

    This is very well written and I bet you feel a lot better after you finished and posted it. We\’re all entitled to our beliefs. It\’s just one reason that makes the country in which we call home a great place to live. I wouldn\’t worry about the Fundamentalists throwing you out of Heaven because based upon deeds, I doubt very many of them will be cloud surfing. You\’re a good person and if there is a God, He or She knows what\’s in your heart.

  2. #2 by Jo Ann on April 17, 2010 - 6:41 pm

    Thanks for reading this Karen. It did feel good to journal it. I hope maybe God will understand my feelings.Smiles,Jo Ann

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