Archive for May, 2011

Thankful List – Tuesday, May 31, 2011

I really need to do this right now because I am in a very negative mind space. I am not sure I can come up with ten positive things but I am going to try.

I am thankful:

1. Mom’s diagnostic mammogram showed there was nothing wrong.
2. My dog, Hope, is always faithful and loving.
3. I have a working computer.
4. I have internet access.
5. Libraries have books I can borrow.
6. I have a home that provides shelter for me.
7. I have food to eat.
8. I have fresh water to drink, cook with, and bathe in.
9. I have a creative mind.
10. I have friends who do not desert me when I am sad.

I managed to write this out. Maybe I should do it several days in a row to encourage a better mood. Something has to change or I am going to wind up having to go for counseling despite my lack of funds.

Always,
Jo Ann

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When I Am At A Crossroads, I…

When I am at a crossroads, I look both ways before crossing. This includes looking backward into the past, and forward toward the possibilities of the future. I try to base present decisions on the consequences I have experienced from past choices. Sometimes I can only hope that things will improve in the future. I know that the present is only temporary, but some of its happenings are causing wonder about how things will turn out. Moment by moment I navigate the storms that batter me without a reliable global positioning system. I have no conception of where I will end up, but am terribly afraid it will be in a bad situation. I just hope my new circumstances allow internet connection so I can stay in contact with the outside world, which helps ground me. I need my friends for support, and most of them only interact with me in the cyber-world. This is not most beneficial. Eye contact and vocal communication add much to conversation that text fails to convey. However, Facebook, Twitter, and the email group Journal Writing are better than isolation.

Always,
Jo Ann

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Incompetence Rules

One expects great care
Dealing with professionals,
Sadly mistaken.

Diligence lacking
Most tasks are carelessly done,
Mistakes often made.

Such outrageous costs
For inferior service,
Must still fully pay.

The price quite absurd,
Total incompetence rules
Our society.

© Jo Ann J. A. Jordan
Wednesday, May 25, 2011

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To the Survivors of Tornadoes 2011

After the awful storms were over,
The terrible devastation complete,
Little was left unscathed, intact.

Many were lost to the storms’ treachery,
For those copious tears continually fall
And survivors will always be left to grieve.

Those graciously spared said grateful prayers
Just fervently thankful to still be there
To hold close a loved one so very dear.

Even though their homes were gone,
They stood up proud and strong
Determined to continue, carry on.

They fought to put their lives back
In some semblance of together
And others came to lend them aid.

So many brave, battered souls
Lifted up by millions of prayers,
God be with them, always there.

© Jo Ann J. A. Jordan
Tuesday, May 24, 2011

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I Am Fragile, Weak

My psychiatrist says I must now
See him every three months
So he can vigilantly observe me
Because I came nearly apart again.

The stress to which I am currently subjected
Is somewhat beyond my ordinary safety limit.
I worry about Mom obsessively and constantly,
I cannot distance myself from her plight.

I have full responsibility for care of Mom
And everything else, which is maintained here.
There is no one stepping in to render aid,
It is do-it-myself or leave it completely undone.

I am capable, and can perform most tasks
As long as no one looks too closely or asks,
“How are you doing?” I answer, “Very well.”
I will not let down my habitual trusted mask.

Underneath the well-worn façade I realize
There are cracks in my courage, my resolve,
I barely hold on to my placid existence:
I live in total abject horror of Mom’s passing.

My friends who pay close attention may
Have some awareness of my fragility,
But my family does not recognize
How very desperate I sometimes am.

I must toughen up and stand firm
For the situation will not get better
Mom’s deterioration is hastening along,
I promised to care for her, and I will.

© Jo Ann J. A. Jordan
Tuesday, May 24, 2011

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Half My Life Is Gone, And I Have Given

Many days I have spent in deep despair
Because the love I wanted was not there
Within the heart of him I desired, so dear.

Many days I have tried to please
Someone or other who only teased
With words and actions at their ease.

Many days I have gone to great length
To show my character possesses strength
With little success, or so others might think.

Many days I have spent wandering inside
The creations of writer’s minds outside
The reality where I must truly reside.

Many days I have tried to inspire
Myself or someone else to enquire
Into the depths of creativity’s empire.

Many days I have gone beyond myself
Trying to help another achieve for themselves
What I could not seem to do by myself.

Many days and countless hours, I have spent
Hoping that I might somehow repent
For wasted time that others may resent.

Many days I have tried to finally accomplish
Some worthy work to fulfill my lifelong wish
To do something perfectly and actually finish.

Many days I have gone alone to bed
With silly dreams of victory in my head
For deeds undone and words left unsaid.

© Jo Ann J.A. Jordan
Monday, May 23, 2011

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Come To Me In The Silence Of The Night

After my mother has gone to bed,
When the television is turned off
And I can think, clearly and completely.

We will create something wondrous,
A poem or story the world has not seen
A hint of at any other given time.

Come to me when I can fully relax,
Give myself over to my imagination
With no qualms about Mom’s neglect.

Come muse, infuse me with passion,
Give over my will to the flow of words,
Create something fabulous in my mind.

Never torment me by eluding my effort
Give me the words I need without pause
For I am enslaved, enthralled, in your service.

After all the errands are finally run
When the world is drifting into slumber
And I can devote all my energy, totally.

We will endeavor to capture the exact word,
A noun, adjective, or verb as yet unheard
By the unsuspecting, unready world.

© Jo Ann J. A. Jordan
Sunday, May 22, 2011

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