Creativity Project Year Two-Day 125

Journal entry:

Journal 5-13-20130001

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Quiet Desperation

I’m treading the edge
Where the urge to die almost
Trumps the will to live.

I want to give up,
All the platitudes are vain,
They give no relief.

Pressure continues
To bear down on me without
Any real surcease.

I have to go on,
But have no heart to sustain
Me throughout the fight.

Tears flow down my face,
I cry out for someone’s help,
But no one aids me.

Must overcome this,
Defeat the desperation,
Somehow, I’ll make it.

I’m treading the edge
Where the urge to die almost
Trumps the will to live.

© Jo Ann J. A. Jordan
Monday, May 13, 2013

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I am grateful:

1.   I had food to eat.
2.   I had clothes to wear.
3.   My dog loves me.
4.   My Mom loves me.
5.   I don’t have to sleep outside with no shelter tonight.

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This has been a devastating Monday, please forgive me for being down, perhaps tomorrow will be better… perhaps I will feel like resuming the war. Right now I want to retreat and keep retreating until I cannot be found.

I hope your day was much more successful than my own. I usually encourage you to do something creative at this point, but I can understand if you feel creation would be better deferred. I felt that way tonight, but I laid my heart out anyway. Perhaps you should do the same. Who knows, it might brighten your day.

As a prompt, write about a time you felt defeated by circumstances beyond your control. The examples are above, pour your heart out on the page. If you would like to share your work and you use this prompt, please leave a link to your creation in the comments below.

Thank you for visiting my blog. I hope you will find your way back here again. You can follow Chronicles by entering your email address in the space provided above so you get regular updates. If you have thoughts, suggestions, or criticism to share with me, please leave a comment.

Always,
Jo Ann

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  1. #1 by startingthedialogue on May 14, 2013 - 12:10 am

    Positive platitudes do no help when one is feeling hopeless. One of the master sages in todays world advocates that we feel through our distress, let it flow–the tears, the anger, the despair–let it flow and empty it all out. From there things can only get better until the next challenge comes along. You definitely have a full plate, very little help, and not much thanks for all you do for the camera club and your family. Know in your heart that you are serving others–even if you don’t receive accolades for doing so. The joy will return, but for now let your sorrow and frustration wash over you then you can release it.

  2. #2 by whimsygizmo on May 14, 2013 - 1:22 am

    Jo Ann,
    I just wanted to say I have been in a similar place. It sucks. This verse helped:

    “If your heart is broken, you’ll find God right there;
    if you’re kicked in the gut, he’ll help you catch your breath.”
    – Psalm 34:18

    Just wanted you to know you’re loved – by a BIG God. And lifted up by a fellow writer who has felt like throwing in the towel.

    Words heal. Keep spilling them. You have a way with them that deserves to be shared, and heard.

    De

  3. #3 by dyandiamond on May 14, 2013 - 7:31 am

    We have times that are extremely challenging. We are all human. And I’m just going to send you a whole bunch of love – from one human being to another. Thank you for being real. I see you. I hear you. And I feel you.

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