Archive for January, 2014
I have made a great deal of progress since December 6, 2013, just walking and watching calories. I am down from 200 pounds to 179.6 pounds as of this morning.
Today, I am starting 10 Week Body Change. I had to take measurements and a photo to begin.
Weight: 179.6 pounds
Hips: 43 inches
Waist: 38 inches
Left thigh: 25 inches
Right thigh: 25 inches
I know that is pretty awful, and maybe too much information, but I want to come back with progress…
It is a good thing I already made some significant changes, because sodas are taboo, as are artificial water sweeteners… Gonna be some difficulty with that, but at least I have somewhat weaned myself.
The food choices look pretty good, but some things are gonna be challenging.
My new goal is 120 pounds… That should be quite a change.
We shall see…
Here is what I look like today:
I am so grateful to have come this far… Now I have more to look forward to accomplishing.
If I could change it
I am not quite sure I would
For from the deep pain
Has come more compassion than
I otherwise would have known.
I have seen the dark
Inside the very heart of
And I have lived the death of
The sweetest most precious gift.
Losing your children
Without watching them grow strong
Or even later
Is an agony beyond
All human capacity.
What more pain it must
Be for all-knowing, all-loving
God to contemplate
The loss of those who shun the
Mercy freely given them.
We are not able
To comprehend suffering
Deeper than our loss,
But Christ died, in agony,
That we might gain eternity.
One day, I will hold
The hands of those now missing
The joy of glad reunion
Because Jesus loves even me.
© Jo Ann J. A. Jordan
Monday, January 20, 2014
Are they memories, or the delusions of my mind? So hard to say, and no one to answer… so I will pray that I make it through another day. I know God holds the answers and knows me completely, so I give it into His hands and remember Christ has the power to calm every storm.
Faith must trust in midst of turmoil, even if the turmoil is internal. God is greater than any trial, God is greater than any disease, God is greater than any person, and His love reaches out to each of us in our need. He sent His Son to save. Jesus became the sacrifice for sin in every life choosing to accept grace. His death, His blood, redeems. Christ’s resurrection shows the great power of Almighty God and how very great a love He bestowed upon us in giving us a future hope. His Spirit abides with us, bringing us to acknowledge Christ’s call upon our lives and then sealing us forever. No power can snatch a child of God from His grasp. Love enfolds us…
These things are sometimes hard to hold onto, but we are made strong through Him despite our weakness…
I stumble over words, but I pray God reveal Himself…
The following did not go on Facebook; I wanted to share it here first:
I went to Sunday School this morning, and it was Sanctity Of Life Day, which is a difficult day for me. Had I known that, I probably would not have gone. Someone said she could not imagine how anyone could have an abortion, and my heart broke all over again. My mind began to shatter as it always does when I think of choices I have been forced to make.
If you have read this blog much, you know my life has been a struggle and an adventure, but for those of you who are newcomers I am going to digress a bit. This is going to be sketchy, so if you have questions ask them in the comments.
I was once totally against abortion. I had to fight against it during my pregnancy with my wonderful son, Alex. I thought I might never have an opportunity to have a child, because I had wanted one for years, but never had one. When I got pregnant with Alex, I refused to terminate. He was born in 1988.
I had a miscarriage later, then in 1999 I became pregnant. I was carrying twin girls with Twin-to-Twin Transfusion Syndrome, which is a rare disorder where both babies share the same blood supply. Google it for more details… It rarely goes well. I was very sick all during the pregnancy and on bed rest. We knew the babies were developing at different rates and the neonatologist was very concerned. One day I went in for a sonogram and the smallest twin had died. The neonatologist recommended we terminate the pregnancy because the outlook for the remaining twin and myself was rather grim. I went home to make the hardest decision of my life.
Because there was no hope of a healthy baby being born and every indication that there would be severe problems for both of us, and because there was an almost certainty of losing the second baby, I chose to terminate. I cried, prayed, and suffered through agony. When we went in and her little heart was stopped, it nearly destroyed me. Then my ob-gyn refused to deliver the babies and told me to go to an abortion clinic. This was heartless and cruel of a highly respected doctor who serves politically. I did not want this outcome, but made the choice because of the health consequences. While devastated and emotionally in agony I had to try to find someone to deliver my twins. After two days, one of the other doctors in the ob-gyn practice had mercy on me and mine and delivered the girls in the hospital where I had hoped to have healthy babies.
I got treated with some respect for the grief I was suffering, but I felt overwhelming guilt. I continue to experience it. I doubt I made the right decision and wonder if the doctor could have been wrong. I hate myself for making a choice I feel only God can make, but I also know I was very sick and weak.
So I have come to believe there are circumstances where a woman may find herself almost forced to terminate a pregnancy… I am no longer totally against abortion. As I have often come to realize, life sometimes intervenes and brings unhappy choices. Not everything is always simple, there are gray areas.
I wish I had been strong enough to carry Katherine Rose to term, but after Melissa Faith died, and the blood was still flowing through her body as it decomposed, there did not seem any hope. I wish my babies had been healthy and I had born them. My life would no doubt be very different, but that was not the situation I was given. I made a tragic choice in a tragic situation.
Maybe others would choose differently, maybe I was wrong. I hope God can forgive me, and that perhaps my story can touch someone and make some hearts a little tenderer toward those who make hard choices in life. We are, after all, only human and prone to error.
We talked about the Sanctity Of Life on the other end, when caring for the elderly among us. I have dedicated the past thirteen, almost fourteen, years to the task. It is a hard job. My mother has a variety of health issues and I am her full-time caregiver. I, myself, suffer from Schizo-Affective Disorder, so am not without personal challenges daily. I will continue caring for my Mom as long as I can.
Sometimes, a little care and compassion can go a long way.
So I was told you cannot start losing weight in December… It simply will not work!
I began a fitness routine on December 6th, the day after I got my Samsung Galaxy Gear, which happens to have a pedometer. I also started charting my calories and activity on the MyFitnessPal app for Android.
The MyFitnessPal app recommended a goal of 1390 calories per day in order to lose five pounds in a month… The pedometer suggested a goal of 10,000 steps per day…
I have walked 179.6 miles in the 31 days and have been under calorie goal all except two days. I started out weighing 200 pounds and now weigh 183.8 pounds. I was wearing 2X shirts and size 18 pants, I now wear XL and L shirts and size 14 pants.
I was drinking eight to twelve diet sodas per day, yesterday I had one. I had been staying up all night frequently and sleeping into the afternoons, for the past two weeks I have not stayed up all night (although I am seriously considering it tonight) and have gotten up in the AM every day.
If I can do all this, I seriously believe anyone can accomplish their goals. Do not let the naysayers prevent you from doing something to better your life. Begin it and let positive momentum carry you to your dream come true.
I have a novel to finish this year and a long way to my weight goal… The thing is becoming more fit even if I don’t meet the weight. Won’t you join me on my adventure? I have faith that you can do and be all of which you dream. 2014 could be the year to make it all happen!
Please don’t take the above to be bragging… I have no room to do so, but I hope by presenting these facts to encourage someone, maybe only one to take positive steps to improve their situation. I have so far to go, but I have begun…
Jo Ann J. A. Jordan