Posts Tagged Family

Life Lessons Learned

If I could change it
I am not quite sure I would
For from the deep pain
Has come more compassion than
I otherwise would have known.

I have seen the dark
Inside the very heart of
Intense happiness,
And I have lived the death of
The sweetest most precious gift.

Losing your children
Without watching them grow strong
Or even later
Is an agony beyond
All human capacity.

What more pain it must
Be for all-knowing, all-loving
God to contemplate
The loss of those who shun the
Mercy freely given them.

We are not able
To comprehend suffering
Deeper than our loss,
But Christ died, in agony,
That we might gain eternity.

One day, I will hold
The hands of those now missing
And experience
The joy of glad reunion
Because Jesus loves even me.

© Jo Ann J. A. Jordan

Monday, January 20, 2014

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Something From My Facebook Page I Wanted To Share Here, Plus Something More

Are they memories, or the delusions of my mind? So hard to say, and no one to answer… so I will pray that I make it through another day. I know God holds the answers and knows me completely, so I give it into His hands and remember Christ has the power to calm every storm.

Faith must trust in midst of turmoil, even if the turmoil is internal. God is greater than any trial, God is greater than any disease, God is greater than any person, and His love reaches out to each of us in our need. He sent His Son to save. Jesus became the sacrifice for sin in every life choosing to accept grace. His death, His blood, redeems. Christ’s resurrection shows the great power of Almighty God and how very great a love He bestowed upon us in giving us a future hope. His Spirit abides with us, bringing us to acknowledge Christ’s call upon our lives and then sealing us forever. No power can snatch a child of God from His grasp. Love enfolds us…

These things are sometimes hard to hold onto, but we are made strong through Him despite our weakness…

I stumble over words, but I pray God reveal Himself…

The following did not go on Facebook; I wanted to share it here first:

I went to Sunday School this morning, and it was Sanctity Of Life Day, which is a difficult day for me. Had I known that, I probably would not have gone. Someone said she could not imagine how anyone could have an abortion, and my heart broke all over again. My mind began to shatter as it always does when I think of choices I have been forced to make.

If you have read this blog much, you know my life has been a struggle and an adventure, but for those of you who are newcomers I am going to digress a bit. This is going to be sketchy, so if you have questions ask them in the comments.

I was once totally against abortion. I had to fight against it during my pregnancy with my wonderful son, Alex. I thought I might never have an opportunity to have a child, because I had wanted one for years, but never had one. When I got pregnant with Alex, I refused to terminate. He was born in 1988.

I had a miscarriage later, then in 1999 I became pregnant. I was carrying twin girls with Twin-to-Twin Transfusion Syndrome, which is a rare disorder where both babies share the same blood supply. Google it for more details… It rarely goes well. I was very sick all during the pregnancy and on bed rest. We knew the babies were developing at different rates and the neonatologist was very concerned. One day I went in for a sonogram and the smallest twin had died. The neonatologist recommended we terminate the pregnancy because the outlook for the remaining twin and myself was rather grim. I went home to make the hardest decision of my life.

Because there was no hope of a healthy baby being born and every indication that there would be severe problems for both of us, and because there was an almost certainty of losing the second baby, I chose to terminate. I cried, prayed, and suffered through agony. When we went in and her little heart was stopped, it nearly destroyed me. Then my ob-gyn refused to deliver the babies and told me to go to an abortion clinic. This was heartless and cruel of a highly respected doctor who serves politically. I did not want this outcome, but made the choice because of the health consequences. While devastated and emotionally in agony I had to try to find someone to deliver my twins. After two days, one of the other doctors in the ob-gyn practice had mercy on me and mine and delivered the girls in the hospital where I had hoped to have healthy babies.

I got treated with some respect for the grief I was suffering, but I felt overwhelming guilt. I continue to experience it. I doubt I made the right decision and wonder if the doctor could have been wrong. I hate myself for making a choice I feel only God can make, but I also know I was very sick and weak.

So I have come to believe there are circumstances where a woman may find herself almost forced to terminate a pregnancy… I am no longer totally against abortion. As I have often come to realize, life sometimes intervenes and brings unhappy choices. Not everything is always simple, there are gray areas.

I wish I had been strong enough to carry Katherine Rose to term, but after Melissa Faith died, and the blood was still flowing through her body as it decomposed, there did not seem any hope. I wish my babies had been healthy and I had born them. My life would no doubt be very different, but that was not the situation I was given. I made a tragic choice in a tragic situation.

Maybe others would choose differently, maybe I was wrong. I hope God can forgive me, and that perhaps my story can touch someone and make some hearts a little tenderer toward those who make hard choices in life. We are, after all, only human and prone to error.

We talked about the Sanctity Of Life on the other end, when caring for the elderly among us. I have dedicated the past thirteen, almost fourteen, years to the task. It is a hard job. My mother has a variety of health issues and I am her full-time caregiver. I, myself, suffer from Schizo-Affective Disorder, so am not without personal challenges daily. I will continue caring for my Mom as long as I can.

Sometimes, a little care and compassion can go a long way.

Always,
Jo Ann

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Some Things I Created Today

A poem in comment on current affairs:

Expression Of Exasperation

They fight endlessly,
They refuse to compromise,
They hold our nation
In a state where progress is
Held in complete abeyance.

Politicians do
No work for electorate,
They simply will not;
Every day the country falls
Further into great distress.

Can we the people
Continue so quietly
While disaster falls
Upon those who sacrifice
Life and limb for our freedom?

Is freedom truly
Manifest in lofty halls
Where reasonable
Voices are not allowed to
Debate or even discuss.

I fear we have let
The very few work toward
Destruction of all
Created by patriots
Who wanted better for us.

When rulers cease to
Serve the interests of those
Who raised them up to
Prominence the time comes to
Cast them out of their places.

Come now citizens,
Rise, throw off the iron shackles
Of a government
Gone willfully against us,
Vote wisdom into power.

© Jo Ann J. A. Jordan

Saturday, October 12, 2013

An older photograph and a poem created today:

Called Out Butterfly Dreams

A photograph taken at dusk today and a thought:

Hawthorne At Dusk

I hope you are well. I encourage you to engage your creativity and make something wonderful to share with the world. I am convinced you have greater ability than you may even realize and that you can reach further than you estimate.

As a prompt, take a picture of your own, past or present, add some relevant text. Share it with others, or post it where it will encourage you.

I am grateful:

1)   No matter what happens, God will never desert me.
2)   I am blessed beyond what I deserve.
3)   My son, Alex, is on his way home.
4)   We still have a home, food to eat, and drink to quench our thirst.
5)   I am strong enough to accomplish my dreams with Christ’s help.

Be a blessing wherever you travel. Even if your belief system is different, you can brighten someone’s life with your kindness, compassion and smile.

Always,
Jo Ann

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Thoughts, Poems, Pictures, I Would Like To Share

Please indulge me as I write about my son…

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He is not perfect, but he is my joy. I wish he were not so far away. I miss him more than I like to think about. We talked on Voxer this morning, which made staying up all night worthwhile. He is writing a book, and unlike mine, I fully expect it to be published. He makes me believe I might even be able to write something publishable. He inspires me.

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Aptly Suited

You were chosen
To be exactly
Who you are in
This time and place.

Your experience
Has made you quite
Perfect for the tasks
Given you to do.

No one else in
All of Creation
Can fill your special
Place so completely.

No matter what you
Think, no matter how
You feel, it is clear
You are exactly ideal.

Called to be part
Of this time and space,
Someone who has an
Influential place.

So make the best
Of your many talents,
Take advantage of
Your wonderful gifts.

Leave a trace of
Yourself in all things
You accomplish here,
Helping create reality.

Who knows who may
Be watching, depending
On you to go forward,
Leading courageously?

Be light within
The darkness where some
Fear greatly to tread,
You make the difference.

Never let those
Positive words leave
The center of your mind,
For you matter so much.

You were chosen
To be exactly
Who you are in
This time and place.

©Jo Ann J. A. Jordan

Monday, July 29, 2013

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Positive Uncertainty

You never know,
It is absolutely true,
You never know
When time will end
For those you love,
Or even yet for you.

So make the best
Of every moment,
Letting your love
Shine clearly through
In everything you do,
Because you never know.

Just because you
Have become angry,
Or you carry hidden hurts,
Does not mean you
Should not forgive, make up,
Because you never know.

Live your life to the best
Of your highest ability
And share your heart freely
With those who touch
Your existence so many ways,
Because you never know.

You can be a blessing
If you will only choose
To share your love abroad
With every single person
And creature every day,
Because you never know.

You never know,
It is absolutely true,
You never know
When time will end
For those you love,
Or even yet for you.

© Jo Ann J. A. Jordan

Wednesday, July 31, 2013

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The other side of the persona that makes up who I am…

Guilt And Shame

Tell me why I must
And always how I can be,
Because I cannot
But see where this failure is
Held within the depths of me.

I am not ever
And never could I yet be
The perfect answer
To the prayers lifted for
Who I should in their truth be.

I am illusion
And perhaps a delusion,
Not a reality,
I am someone no one else
Can completely imagine.

I am the broken
And crushed reed once left standing
In the cruel wind,
Who cannot survive the fall
Or the awful loss of grace.

I hang my head low
And wish I could hide away
So no one else sees
The tears that constantly fall
Because of my great mistakes.

Tell me why I must
And always how I can be,
Because I cannot
But see where this failure is
Held within the depths of me.

© Jo Ann J. A. Jordan

Monday, August 12, 2013

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I am grateful:

1)   Depression does not always dog me.
2)   I am blessed beyond measure.
3)   I have not lost my faith in others despite the fact I often feel incompetence rules.
4)   Technology has allowed me to do more than I ever imagined.
5)   Dreams do come true.

As a prompt, write about a person, place, or thing that inspires you to fulfill your potential. You have an infinite ability to create, just put your heart, mind, and soul into it. I believe in you…

Please come back here again. I am not writing quite as often as I did with my Creativity Project, but you can definitely explore the past entries and perhaps find something encouraging.

God Bless You in all your endeavors.

Always,
Jo Ann

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Creativity Project Year Two-Day 140

Journal entry:

Journal 5-28-20130001

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Higher

I rise…
And you cannot
Keep me down because I
Am being lifted up by God
Who supplies my every need through His great
Abundant love given freely
With no payment required
Of me ever
I rise…

Jo Ann J. A. Jordan
Tuesday, May 28, 2013

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I am grateful:

1.   We have almost enough award dollars to buy a tablet.
2.   I read quite a bit through the night.
3.   I took a nap this morning.
4.   Alex is working on a mind map of his story.
5.   Laura came by this evening.

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This Tuesday was a very good day. I hope you accomplished things you wanted today. If you will devote some time to your creativity, you will find it has many rewards. Your communication with others can enhance their lives. Your gifts are many, use them wisely.

As a prompt, write about something that moves you higher. This could be a person, your spirituality, an accomplishment, whatever moves you to write a poem, story, or journal entry. If you use this prompt, please leave a link to your work in the comments below.

Thank you so much for visiting my blog. I hope you will find your way back often. It is easy to subscribe to Chronicles, just enter your email in the space above and you will receive updates. I would love to read your remarks, so please leave a comment.

Always,
Jo Ann

 

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Creativity Project Year Two-Day 138

Journal entry:

Journal 5-26-20130001

Alex and Laura Wedding Day0001

My son, Alex, and his beautiful bride, Laura… Since they married they have hardly had time together because he has been stationed in Okinawa and she is going to school back here.

Military Duty

They all
Give full measure
Of their hearts, minds, and souls
That they may serve and defend our
Nation from enemies both foreign and
Domestic keeping us safe from
Harm and protecting our
Independence
Bravely.

Jo Ann J. A. Jordan
Sunday, May 26, 2013

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I am grateful:

1.   I was able to spend some time in conversation with Alex.
2.   I finished all the laundry.
3.   When Hope bit me, she did not hurt me to badly, although it was on the face and drew blood.
4.   Mom was pleased with the work I did today.
5.   I fixed her medicine much earlier than I usually do.

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I have accomplished more than I imagined possible on this Sunday. I hope you enjoyed your day. I encourage you to make a creative effort and see what you can do. I know you have the talent necessary, just get busy. The world awaits your contribution.

As a prompt, write about our military personnel. You may wish to note their sacrifice or their honor. This is a weekend to have them on our hearts and in our minds, as we should always. If you use this prompt, please leave a link to your work in the comments below.

Thank you so much for reading my blog. I hope you will come back often. You may also wish to subscribe to Chronicles by email so you won’t miss updates. If you have thoughts, suggestions, or criticism to share, please leave a comment.

Always,
Jo Ann

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Creativity Project Year Two-Day 128

Journal entry:

Journal 5-16-20130001

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Recollection

I tried to collect
My thoughts, making sense of all
The clamor within
My restless soul, but my mind’s
Attention moved endlessly.

No respite found I
From the jostling images
Invading my brain,
No idea brought me relief
From such an intense struggle.

My wayward thoughts kept
Me in an incessant state
Of indecision
With no refuge from the storm
Raging wild within myself.

Even prayer did not
Bring me any lasting peace,
I was awash in
Feeling inadequacy
Of all my tireless effort.

I tried to collect
My thoughts, preparing to
Do something worthwhile,
But no successful pathway
Presented itself to me.

Jo Ann J. A. Jordan
Thursday, May 16, 2013

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I am grateful:

1.   Mom had a little while today that she was in less pain.
2.   We did not have to go to any doctors.
3.   My son, Alex, is a successful adult.
4.   I finished reading The Sanctuary by Ted Dekker last night.
5.   I was able to write a poem this evening.

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This Thursday was not a demanding day and I got to relax some, which was nice. I hope your day was good. Take some time now and dedicate yourself to doing something creative. You can do great things if you set your mind to it. I am convinced each of us has much to contribute to the world through our creativity, and you are no exception.

As a prompt, write about a time you attempted to collect your thoughts. You may have been successful, or you may have failed. Share the details with us by leaving a link to your work in the comments below.

Thank you for reading my blog. I hope you will visit often, but also encourage you to subscribe to Chronicles by email if you would like to receive future updates. Any thoughts, suggestions, or criticism you care to share is welcome, so please leave a comment.

Always,
Jo Ann

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