Posts Tagged Fear

2145 More Words For Day 4 Of NaNoWriMo

Otherwise Entertained (10)

After doing chores and a quick shower on Friday morning, Morgan decided to go shopping at Winn-Dixie. She needed to pick up a few things in case the guys showed up that evening. She limped outside and got in Katie. It was the first time she had driven since injuring her ankle, but she had suffered such things in the past and thought she could handle it.

When she arrived at the store, she grabbed a buggy in the parking lot and hobbled inside. She put some chips, dip, orange juice, lettuce, tomatoes, Catalina, Ranch, and Thousand Island dressings, mushrooms, bell pepper, cucumbers, Froot Loops, milk, eggs, bread, hot dog buns, hamburger buns, butter, cheddar cheese, bologna, hot dogs, sliced ham, ground beef, grapes, oranges, strawberries, a bag of ice, Diet Coke, Sprite, and Coca Cola in the cart. While waiting in line she leafed through Cosmopolitan magazine, and glanced at the cover of Vogue.

The woman rang up her purchases and she checked the total. She realized she had enough money to afford the magazines and asked those be added to her bill. She paid with cash and pushed the buggy out to the car. There was plenty of room for everything in the cavernous trunk.

She drove home carefully, wincing when she had to stop at signs and traffic signals. Luckily, in the small town there were not many of those on her route. She unloaded the car and put all the groceries away. She noticed the spaghetti Tony had made several nights earlier was beginning to mold, but she was busy and forgot to throw it out.

She was a little nervous about what might happen that evening. She knew Kelvin said they would be there, but there had been no calls to confirm and she was not sure which of them would actually come over. She had not been able to concentrate very much on making up a new game scenario. Her mind kept wandering back to the magical moments in the woods. She marveled that one kiss could so disturb her equanimity.

Tony had been distant all week, as had been his demeanor for some time. She did not mind it so much, because her mind was elsewhere anyway. They did have sex a couple of times, but he was not tender or loving. It was just something to satisfy his physical needs. He had not been willing to take her to the hospital, so she was not sure how badly her ankle was hurt. He did nothing to make accommodation for her injury. When they went out, he had walked swiftly and left her behind him.

She took a second shower, enjoying the caress of the hot water and the sweet smells of soap, shampoo, and conditioner. As she toweled dry, she wondered what she should wear. She picked out a ruffled white shirt, black jeans, and a belt with a large Celtic buckle. She had never worn much make up, but she did her face carefully that afternoon. She highlighted her hazel eyes with an extra bit of mascara and curled her long straight auburn hair. As she applied the deep red lipstick, she wished her lips were thinner. She could not help remembering the taunts of her peers who called her nigger lips. Fortunately, the bullying had ended when she left school. She did not miss it much, although she always enjoyed learning new things. She thanked Jesus again that she no longer had to wear glasses, but had contacts that made the world much clearer than ever before. She decided to leave the bandage off, not wanting to draw any attention to her foot by going without her shoe. The Nikes were comfortable and she thought she would be fine. She should probably be using the crutches, as she had most of the week, but that was something she did not care to do in front of the guys, especially Kelvin.

Tony came home around 6:00, and said, “What have you been up to today? I see you cleaned yourself up nicely; too bad no one cares what you look like. You are basically useless.”

She replied, “I bought groceries and cleaned up around the house. You know your clothes do not pick themselves up off the floor and deposit themselves in the hamper. The bed would be a mess, as you left it, had I not made it. The dishes and the floor would still be dirty without my cleaning them up. I hope your day went well.”

He said, “Another day of endless packages, but I guess it could have been worse. I could have spent hours waiting on you to do something.”

He went to the bedroom and slammed the door. In a few minutes, she glanced up and saw him walk naked to the bathroom. He slammed that door and she heard the shower come on soon afterward.

When he came out, he yelled, “Why don’t you come bring me some clothes?”

She went to the bedroom and laid out an outfit she liked. He frowned at her, but did not complain. She was glad because she did not wish to argue over clothes.

About 7:00, there was a knock on the door. She opened it and found Kelvin, Ramsey, and Wagner waiting. They had their gear and some food. Wagner brought in a twelve pack of beer.

Tony said, “Thank you for bringing that buddy. I have had a rough day. An Olde E will go down good.”

Wagner said, “Yeah, I thought it would lighten up the evening.”

Kelvin took the twelve pack and put it in the refrigerator then passed Tony, Ramsey, and Wagner each a beer. He began arranging the food they had brought on the bar. There were nuts, a box of doughnuts, and a loaf of banana bread.

Morgan said, “Let me get that, you go sit with the others and relax. How was the day at school?”

“Ah, same old, same old. You know I am ready for it to be over. You were lucky to meet your requirements in the first quarter. You have always been extremely smart; it was not hard for you. I will be happy just to graduate on time,” he said with a rakish grin.

She laughed, “I am only a C student. I was just determined and I left my electives toward the end so the study was not too hard at the finish. The math in my sophomore and junior years almost defeated me. It was doubtful I would pass at times. Those D grades blew the rest of my average.”

“Yeah, you would say something like that, always humble,” he said.

“Not so much, just realistic. Now go sit, and enjoy yourself,” she said gently pushing him toward the others.

He grinned, grabbed a beer from the fridge, and took the few steps to where the others were seated.

There was a knock at the door, and Kelvin jumped up to open it. Cade, Jason, and Max poured into the room. They sat down on the bunks and Kelvin grabbed a few beer from the refrigerator. Morgan noticed he paused and shot her a puzzled look before closing the door. He handed out the brews without saying anything to her.

Tony finished his beer and told her, “Mix me something stronger. I want J.D. on the rocks.”

She took out a tumbler and fixed the drink. Tony snatched the glass from her hand and frowned at her.

“Can’t you move a little faster wench,” he growled.

She saw frowns on several faces around the room, but only Kelvin spoke, “Hey man, come on over here and chill out. Everything is cool.”

Morgan set up her game gear, but Tony said, “Just put on some music. I don’t feel like you managing my life tonight, even if it is only imaginary.”

Wagner said, “So we’re just going to drink until you are satisfied? The rest of us came to play the game.”

Tony spread his arms and said, “My house, my rules. You don’t like it you can get your asses out of here.”

Morgan put Black Sabbath on the stereo and moved back behind the bar. Things were not going as well as she hoped, but she thought a salad and sandwich might appease Tony. She fixed the food and took it to him because he had not had supper.

“You going to be rude and offer food to no one else. What a bitch!” He said and almost tumbled the plate and bowl from her hands.

Kelvin said, “The rest of us already ate, but there are plenty of snacks. Enjoy your meal.”

The album reached the end of side one and Ramsey turned it over. The tension in the room was palpable.

Some of the others got a second beer and took snacks from the bar. The chips needed refilling, so Morgan poured some in the bowl.

Cade said, “Tony, what if we play in Ambazzar tonight? I am sure Ramsey is prepared for some gaming.”

Ramsey said, “Sure, if that is okay with you, Tony.”

Tony nodded and said, “Sure, I just did not want to play in her world. I have too much of her in my life already.”

Ramsey pulled out some papers and asked the others, “Do you all have your characters?”

There was a unanimous chorus of yeses around the room.

As they played in the dungeon, Morgan handed out more beer and fixed drinks for those who wanted something stronger. She noticed Kelvin and Ramsey were nursing their first beer of the night. Some of the others began to show signs of inebriation because the liquor was flowing too.

She limped to the bathroom and locked the door behind her. After she washed her hands, as she was drying them, she heard the door rattle and Jason stumbled into the room. He stopped and locked the door, then turned to face her.

She backed up and he reached out for her. He said, “I’ve come for you, Morgan. I have been waiting for a long time. I’m going to take you to Hell.”

She screamed, knowing the others were only a few feet away. He grabbed her shirt and she slipped out of his grasp. She almost fell as she backed into the tub. She screamed some more, but there was no answer. Jason grinned at her and his eyes seemed to blaze.

As he came closer to her once more, she said, “Get thee behind me, Satan! The blood of Jesus Christ saves me. You have no dominion over me. Leave now!”

He shuddered, turned, and left the small bathroom. She crept out of the tub. When she looked in the mirror, she realized she was deathly pale. She straightened and buttoned her shirt where his hands had rearranged her clothes.

When Morgan limped back to the front room, Jason was laying sprawled on the floor fast asleep. No one else seemed to know anything untoward had happened.

The game broke up a while later and the guys drifted off. Max and Cade woke Jason and supported him as they walked to the car.

Before Kelvin left he asked her, “Is Tony working tomorrow?”

“Yes, he said he had a full day. Why?” She said.

“I just wondered, he may have quite a hangover the way he has been drinking. You have a good night and take care. We’ll see you soon,” he said and left.

As she began cleaning up, Tony said, “Leave that, it can wait. Come to bed with me. I want you.”

When she stepped in the bedroom, he grabbed her roughly and almost bruised her mouth as he kissed her. His mouth tasted strongly of whiskey and she tried to turn away.

“You whore, don’t try to act innocent with me. Please me. You know how I like it. Do it now.”

He tore her shirt and pushed her onto the bed. He pulled her clothes off and undressed himself. She focused on the owl across the room as he took her repeatedly.

After he fell into a satisfied sleep, she got up and showered herself off. It did not seem to wash her clean though. She went into the front room and cleaned up the mess of the night. There were beer cans and glasses to be collected. There was not much food left, but the dishes had to be washed and put away.

When she was done with that, she sleeved the albums and put them in the rack under the stereo. She sat down at her desk and took out her journal. Thank God, no one ever read it. There was no way anyone would believe this night.

© Jo Ann J. A. Jordan
Monday, November 4, 2013

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Creativity Project Year Two-Day 151

Journal entry:

Journal 6-8-20130001DSC_0098

This poem is in answer to the prompt at Our Lost Jungle, but it also just happens to coincide with what I did this evening…

Bravery, Behind A Lens

It takes courage to
Go out alone not knowing
If friends will be there,
Events are not quite my thing
But I took my camera…

I could stand behind
That little window into
The world without fear,
Because after all people
Always smile in photographs.

A few years ago,
I could not have attended
A function where I
Was very likely going
To be a stranger to most.

I am gaining some
Courage as time travels by,
I have learned to smile
And hide my fears underneath
A veneer of confidence.

When I am taking
Pictures, I have a purpose
To keep me busy
So others do not notice
My total uneasiness.

Jo Ann J. A. Jordan
Saturday, June 8, 2013

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I am grateful:

1.   I took a nap today.
2.   I had a nice outfit to wear.
3.   I decided to go to the Pebblebrook High School Spring Fling.
4.   Mom felt like being alone while I was gone.
5.   I took my Nikon D5100 and tablet.

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My Saturday was quite delightful, though I was quite nervous going out. I hope your day was full of pleasant surprises. Now, I urge you to put your creativity into action and make something to share with the world. You are definitely gifted with all the talent you need to produce art. People are awaiting your vision.

As a prompt, write about something you have overcome. Your example might encourage someone else to be courageous. If you use this prompt, please leave a link to your work in the comments below.

Thank you for spending some of your precious time reading my blog. I hope you will visit often, but you might also want to subscribe to Chronicles by leaving your email address in the space provided above. If you have thoughts, suggestions, or criticism to share, please leave a comment.

Always,
Jo Ann

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Creativity Project Year Two-Day 142

Journal entry:

Journal 5-30-20130001

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I wrote the following poem in the deep darkness of the early morning hours. There is an element of crisis to it…

In Doubt

Am I so wholly
Unpleasing to God that He
Would fully desert
Those for whom I so dearly
Care, leaving them to suffer?

So it seems to me,
For I have constantly prayed
Entreating the Lord
To reach down in His mercy
And alleviate their pain,

But with no result.
I am bereft; believing,
Praying, and hoping
Has worked no good on their part,
They are in great agony.

I am now beset
With undeniable doubt,
I am not given
The strength of faith that Job had;
I am so weakling a worm.

Yet still I pray God
Even should He find it just
To forsake my cause
That He would show unceasing
Love and tenderness to them.

Jo Ann J. A. Jordan
Thursday, May 30, 2013

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This was a Facebook status inspired by the above picture and divided into lines to make a poem…

In Life’s Garden

People are beautiful
And delicate like Summer roses.
They need careful tending
And abundant love to
Reach their glorious potential.
No matter their appearance
People are worthy of respect.
Nurture every person
Who touches your life
And show your gratitude
For the blessings they impart.
Like the roses, people only
Bloom for a little while
And then they fade away.
You are only left with
Memories of their splendor.
So cherish your moments with
Others and share your
Feelings of love.

Jo Ann J. A. Jordan
Thursday, May 30, 2013

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I am grateful:

1.   I got a little sleep, but accomplished a lot overnight.
2.   I decided to call Qwest Diagnostics, and hopefully took care of that problem.
3.   We were not late to Mom’s appointment.
4.   The new program seems to be helping Mom a little.
5.   I got some beautiful pictures today.

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This was an emotional Thursday. I hope your day was more stable and enjoyable. I encourage you to engage your imagination and do some creative work. I guarantee it will enrich your life and touch others with whom you share. You may believe you have nothing to say, but if you open your mind you will find words. I believe in your talent. Believe in yourself.

As a prompt, write a crisis poem, story, or journal entry. You might want to resolve the crisis or leave it as a cliffhanger. You know what writing will nourish you. Follow your heart. If you use this prompt, please leave a link to your work in the comments below.

Thank you so much for reading my words. I have managed another day of writing and I have a little hope that I can go on. You might want to subscribe to Chronicles for future updates. I hope you will also come back to visit. Your comments are always appreciated and they help encourage me. Sometimes I feel the writing is too personal and I should stop sharing, but you all help me go on.

Always,
Jo Ann

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Creativity Project Year Two-Day 100

Journal entry:

Journal 4-18-20130001

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This is an edit on a song I have had with me since high school over thirty years ago… every so often I write it down and try to perfect it… Maybe one day it will be sung by someone other than me.

Anthem For Today

Somewhere on the edge of tomorrow,
Somewhere on the verge of yesterday,
Somewhere in the past
We don’t remember,
Somewhere not of Earth
Far away,
Somewhere there are songs
We were singing,
Somewhere there are rhymes
That we made,
Somewhere on the edge of tomorrow,
Somewhere on the verge of yesterday.

Today only lasts a moment,
Time passes quickly and away,
No one can fully possess
The minutes,
No one can quite control
the hours,
We must take advantage
Of opportunities we’re offered
Before we are left with
Only memory,
Today only lasts a moment,
Time passes quickly and away.

Somewhere on the edge of tomorrow,
Somewhere on the verge of yesterday,
Somewhere in the past
We don’t remember,
Somewhere not of Earth
Far away,
Somewhere there are songs
We were singing,
Somewhere there are rhymes
That we made,
Somewhere on the edge of tomorrow,
Somewhere on the verge of yesterday.

Jo Ann J. A. Jordan
This version Thursday, April 18, 2013

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I am grateful:

1.   I slept well until pain woke me up around 9:00 this morning.
2.   I was able to get out of bed.
3.   I saw Mom before she left with June this morning.
4.   The truck was ready around 1:00 this afternoon.
5.   Mom and I were able to go to town this evening.

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I had a very good Thursday, despite some pain. I hope your day went tolerably well. Take time to work creatively now, if you have not already done it today. Even if you do not usually consider yourself an artist or writer I encourage you to make an effort. It will without doubt enrich your life.

As a prompt, write about something you have been avoiding expressing. Maybe you have someone you are not sharing your thoughts with and would like to, write to them, though you need not share what you write with them. Maybe there is an event you have not reacted to, write it out. Whatever you write share it here by leaving a link to your work in the comments below.

I appreciate you taking time to read my blog. I hope you will return often, but you might like to enter your email address in the space above and subscribe to Chronicles. Today is the 465th day I have consecutively posted here. When I began I had no idea this would become a daily tradition, and sometimes I think I can continue no longer, but somehow I do. I recommend, if you are a writer or artist of any type, that you take on the challenge of working daily. It will help you grow in ways you cannot at first imagine. Take the step to begin a blog where you share your work, it will help motivate you when you are discouraged. I can assure you that you can do it, because I have. If you have some thoughts, suggestions, or criticism to share, please leave a comment.

Always,
Jo Ann

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Creativity Project Year Two-Day 57

Journal entry:

Journal 3-6-20130001

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Thoughts

I am wondering
Why no one ever mentioned
That there possibly
Could be detrimental side
Effects to my prescriptions.

I thought these drugs were
Kinder, gentler than those of
Past generations,
I was hopeful that they were
Safer for my long term use.

If the disease does
Not get me through suicide,
I guess the meds will
Through their slow destruction of
My body’s physical health.

I am not going
To let it constantly haunt
Me with its looming
Inevitable ending,
I surrender to God’s hands.

I have been letting
Him carry me the longest
Time and now is not
The point to lose faith in God’s
Ability to preserve.

Jo Ann J. A. Jordan
Wednesday, March 6, 2013

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I am grateful:

1.   My appointment was in the afternoon.
2.   Mom went with me.
3.   My Droid was not broken, just turned off and there was operator error.
4.   I liked Debbie, the new nurse practitioner.
5.   I do not have to go back for six months.

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I had a pleasant Wednesday. I did not have to wait as long as usual for my appointment. I hope your day went equally well. Turn your mind to doing something creative now. The present moment can be best used instead of procrastinating. Your imagination simply awaits exercise.

As a prompt, take something that happened today and turn it into a lament or a celebration. Even small things can be used to inflame your creative fire. Write a poem, story, or journal entry, then leave a link to your work in the comments below.

Thank you for visiting my blog. I hope you will return often, but you might also wish to subscribe to Chronicles to receive email updates. Just enter your address in the space above. I would appreciate your comments should you have something to share with me.

Always,
Jo Ann

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365 Creativity Project-Day 193

Journal entry:

Journal 7-20-20120001

Not Ordinary

Just another day,
An air conditioner to
Be brought and installed,
In an instant morning changed
Tragedy struck far away.

I saw first report,
Movie theater attacked,
Innocent people
Shot, injured, killed without thought,
Such useless waste of many.

The day continued,
We did what was needed to
Be done, but said prayers
For families, survivors,
Those suffering so greatly.

Our day was filled with
Many outstanding moments,
But a shadow lay
Over all happening here
Because of Aurora’s pain.

God be with all who
Need His wonderful comfort,
Our prayers keep going
Up for Heaven’s grace and peace
To fall upon our country.

Jo Ann J. A. Jordan
Friday, July 20, 2012

Photographs:

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I am grateful:

1.   I stayed up all night.
2.   Alex is out of the country.
3.   My family is safe today.
4.   We now have a new air conditioner.
5.   I am so blessed.

I hope you have had a good day, despite the tragedy that has unfolded. I urge you to take some time to do something creative. I know it may seem a bad time, but it will help you cope.

As a prompt, write a list of instructions to be included with all newborns. If you use the prompt, please leave a link to your work in the comments.

I appreciate your taking time to read my blog. If you have something to share, please leave a comment.

Always,
Jo Ann

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365 Creativity Project-Day 110

Journal entry:

Journal 4-28-20120001

April Poem A Day Challenge, poem twenty-eight:

Perishing Vision

The American Dream
Is constantly assaulted
And under duress
Because of great economic
Schisms between rich and poor.

The realization
Of the common person’s hopes,
Near impossible,
Because wages keep decreasing
And costs continually rise.

Many without work
Do not have adequate funds
To maintain their homes
Because the jobs disappear
And few new are created.

The politicians
Bicker in their high places,
Electorate drowns,
Because no solutions come
In time to launch a rescue.

Representation
Must be restored to people,
With equality,
Because the American Dream
Is nigh unachievable.

Jo Ann J. A. Jordan
Saturday, April 28, 2012

Photographs:

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Ceramic decorative container…

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Unicorn paperweight…

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Mug…

I am grateful:

1.   I slept in today.
2.   Wendell visited Mom.
3.   My niece, Carrie Leigh, visited.
4.   My daughter-in-law, Laura, came to get Alex’s iPod Touch and visited a while.
5.   My best friend, Reba, called.

I hope your Saturday has brought you many smiles. The PAD Challenge was to write a problem poem. I know you can think of a problem to write about, because no matter how good your life, there are problems. If that does not appeal by all means do something that showcases your talents creatively.

Let me know what you thought of this blog post by leaving a comment, and please visit again.

Always,
Jo Ann

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