Posts Tagged My Mom

So Are You With Me?

01/02/2016

We are together for day two of this adventure if you are reading this right now. That is exciting because I want you to follow along. More than that I hope you will also take action on your own. I would like you to take a few minutes each day to write. Maybe it would just be a simple recounting of your day, or you could write a poem, story, memory, anything you want really. Just be creative. You have so much to share with the world, which only you can communicate. You are so unique and we need your voice. It adds so much to our communities, please get busy.

Once upon a time I wrote an entry on this blog every day for a year and a half. I cannot promise I will do that again. If you look at the past entries here, you will see that I have taken quite a while off. I think I am going to do things a bit differently this time. I want to do the entries on my tablet or my computer instead of handwritten journal pages. This may change, but it is my current modus operandi. Look at that, I actually used Latin, ha ha.

I stayed up all night. I seem to do this quite often recently. I enjoy the peace and quiet of the hours when Mom is sleeping. I am also able to keep watch over her. I need time to myself, I steal it in the darkness. I seem more creative in the wee hours of the night. Sometimes I write what I consider very good statuses and poems on Facebook overnight. If you follow me here, you might like to friend me on there. Send me a message and I will answer your request.

I have managed to keep my weight to 135 pounds for over a year now, down from over 200 pounds on December 6, 2013. I believe having a Samsung Galaxy Gear and the MyFitnessPal app have helped a great deal. Walking miles each day has been instrumental too. Here is a picture to illustrate the difference in my appearance…

The second photo is me today. Not the best lighting for taking a good picture. I am not great at selfies. Cannot ever seem to get that right. I try, but it seems an impossibility for me.

I am going to add a gratitude list today. I hope you will join me in taking a few moments to note your blessings. It seems to help me stay more positive and you may find it works for you too.

I Am Grateful:

1) Christmas is over.

2) The new year has begun with all its open days to fill with accomplishments.

3) I am able to read and write because of an excellent public education overseen by some outstanding teachers.

4) I have begun working on Otherwise Entertained again.

5) Mom has finally started moving around a bit more after almost two months of mostly inactivity.

6) I have some wonderful tools to employ in creative activity.

7) My dog, Hope, who is nine and a half years old is doing well. She is a joy in my life.

8) I have been listening to more music lately.

9) The weather is cooling off after unseasonable warmth and I am able to wear long sleeves.

10) God is good all the time and in all ways.

Now I am going to ask you to do a few things. First, if you enjoyed reading this, please follow my blog and leave a comment if you have time. Secondly, get your own self busy and do something creative today. You have all the talent you need for it. I have faith in your ability and you should too. Share your ideas and creations with the world. The world needs everyone’s input. You will change lives, including your own.

Always,
Jo Ann

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Something From My Facebook Page I Wanted To Share Here, Plus Something More

Are they memories, or the delusions of my mind? So hard to say, and no one to answer… so I will pray that I make it through another day. I know God holds the answers and knows me completely, so I give it into His hands and remember Christ has the power to calm every storm.

Faith must trust in midst of turmoil, even if the turmoil is internal. God is greater than any trial, God is greater than any disease, God is greater than any person, and His love reaches out to each of us in our need. He sent His Son to save. Jesus became the sacrifice for sin in every life choosing to accept grace. His death, His blood, redeems. Christ’s resurrection shows the great power of Almighty God and how very great a love He bestowed upon us in giving us a future hope. His Spirit abides with us, bringing us to acknowledge Christ’s call upon our lives and then sealing us forever. No power can snatch a child of God from His grasp. Love enfolds us…

These things are sometimes hard to hold onto, but we are made strong through Him despite our weakness…

I stumble over words, but I pray God reveal Himself…

The following did not go on Facebook; I wanted to share it here first:

I went to Sunday School this morning, and it was Sanctity Of Life Day, which is a difficult day for me. Had I known that, I probably would not have gone. Someone said she could not imagine how anyone could have an abortion, and my heart broke all over again. My mind began to shatter as it always does when I think of choices I have been forced to make.

If you have read this blog much, you know my life has been a struggle and an adventure, but for those of you who are newcomers I am going to digress a bit. This is going to be sketchy, so if you have questions ask them in the comments.

I was once totally against abortion. I had to fight against it during my pregnancy with my wonderful son, Alex. I thought I might never have an opportunity to have a child, because I had wanted one for years, but never had one. When I got pregnant with Alex, I refused to terminate. He was born in 1988.

I had a miscarriage later, then in 1999 I became pregnant. I was carrying twin girls with Twin-to-Twin Transfusion Syndrome, which is a rare disorder where both babies share the same blood supply. Google it for more details… It rarely goes well. I was very sick all during the pregnancy and on bed rest. We knew the babies were developing at different rates and the neonatologist was very concerned. One day I went in for a sonogram and the smallest twin had died. The neonatologist recommended we terminate the pregnancy because the outlook for the remaining twin and myself was rather grim. I went home to make the hardest decision of my life.

Because there was no hope of a healthy baby being born and every indication that there would be severe problems for both of us, and because there was an almost certainty of losing the second baby, I chose to terminate. I cried, prayed, and suffered through agony. When we went in and her little heart was stopped, it nearly destroyed me. Then my ob-gyn refused to deliver the babies and told me to go to an abortion clinic. This was heartless and cruel of a highly respected doctor who serves politically. I did not want this outcome, but made the choice because of the health consequences. While devastated and emotionally in agony I had to try to find someone to deliver my twins. After two days, one of the other doctors in the ob-gyn practice had mercy on me and mine and delivered the girls in the hospital where I had hoped to have healthy babies.

I got treated with some respect for the grief I was suffering, but I felt overwhelming guilt. I continue to experience it. I doubt I made the right decision and wonder if the doctor could have been wrong. I hate myself for making a choice I feel only God can make, but I also know I was very sick and weak.

So I have come to believe there are circumstances where a woman may find herself almost forced to terminate a pregnancy… I am no longer totally against abortion. As I have often come to realize, life sometimes intervenes and brings unhappy choices. Not everything is always simple, there are gray areas.

I wish I had been strong enough to carry Katherine Rose to term, but after Melissa Faith died, and the blood was still flowing through her body as it decomposed, there did not seem any hope. I wish my babies had been healthy and I had born them. My life would no doubt be very different, but that was not the situation I was given. I made a tragic choice in a tragic situation.

Maybe others would choose differently, maybe I was wrong. I hope God can forgive me, and that perhaps my story can touch someone and make some hearts a little tenderer toward those who make hard choices in life. We are, after all, only human and prone to error.

We talked about the Sanctity Of Life on the other end, when caring for the elderly among us. I have dedicated the past thirteen, almost fourteen, years to the task. It is a hard job. My mother has a variety of health issues and I am her full-time caregiver. I, myself, suffer from Schizo-Affective Disorder, so am not without personal challenges daily. I will continue caring for my Mom as long as I can.

Sometimes, a little care and compassion can go a long way.

Always,
Jo Ann

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Ramblings Of A Sleepless Mind

You are not required to stay up all night to reap the benefits of my activity. Please just follow along…

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I want to start up my business again, but I don’t have any capital to begin… I guess dreaming is the best I can do. I wish I could win the lottery, but somehow I think that is unlikely since I do not buy tickets… If wishes were horses, beggars would ride…

My dog, Hope, has expensive tastes, she likes pistachios. I can hardly afford them for myself, what am I supposed to do now that the dog begs for them whenever I get the bag out?

What’s on your mind? Funny you should ask, because I have been thinking about trying to start my magazine up online. It would be a literary and art magazine showcasing a wide variety of talent as it was when I published it in print form. I do not know if I have a wide enough network to gather submissions, and I am not sure I have the discretionary time to afford all the effort required, but I am considering it. I have the prerequisite software for it and I think I might be able to secure web hosting… Am I ready to take the reins as editor and publisher again? It is not an easy job, for writers are sometimes troublesome, but I like a challenge… I wonder if I am too old to begin doing it again. It is a huge task and requires diligence… So that is what is on my mind…

Have you ever noticed that as a usual thing every other version Microsoft releases is great? Take Windows 98, great; Windows Millennium, not so good; Windows XP, great; Windows Vista, not so good; Windows 7, great; Windows 8, not so good; Windows 8.1, decent… Why do we beta test for them on every other release? Seems like their software engineers would get it together every time. Maybe they need to quit rushing out versions and wait until they have a solid release…

I just realized it was after 2:00AM… I am wide awake and feeling creative. Why is it that nighttime seems to be the time of ideas for me? I want to be a morning person, but it just does not work for me. I am a hopeless night owl. The daytime world just does not have the appeal of after dark… Is something wrong with me? I wake up when the sun goes down… not the greatest attribute.

I should have known coffee in the afternoon was a mistake, but did that stop me? Not in the least did it dissuade me… Sometimes I disregard the better part of my judgment. So I am up and feeling full of energy halfway through the night…

Why am I still in this place when I really want to move forward? Maybe fear is stopping me, but what is that about? I fear failure, because it is very hard for creatives to succeed. I fear success, because it would overturn all sorts of things in my life. I want to perfect things before I bring them out before others, and that keeps me in a stalled state, because really I can do nothing perfectly.
I am determined to get past these barriers to achieving the life I want, but it is hard… One step I can take is being positive, another step is to gather the material for what I want to accomplish. These are easy things and I should be able to do them, one small step at a time.
I am capable and I believe that my dreams can become a reality, so as I advise others, I must make the effort and continue going forward…

Going With The Flow

Rolling, that is what happens
When you allow time to wash
Over you without resistance,
You roll forward creeping into
Places you never realized you
Were really meant to go.
Time overtakes you and takes
You over the rough spaces
Where intention would not
Allow you to succeed without
A great deal of extra effort
You might unwillingly expend.
Your perfectionism cannot
Hinder you because the momentum
Comes from beyond yourself,
You drift on currents that lift
Your fragile spirits up higher
Than you ever imagined going.
You roll, a creative force,
Unstoppable, moving through
Both time and space with only
One idea to carry you onward,
A positive declaration that you
Will finally accomplish your dreams.

© Jo Ann J. A. Jordan
Tuesday, October 22, 2013

Adjusted the settings on my mouse… Now this clunky mouse works like the best I have ever had. Who knew tweaking the software could make such improvements? Now I think I love the Logitech M705. It is like having a whole new mouse.

Just fixed a cup of coffee because I have decided I want to stay up all day… Should be no problem, the night is nearly over and daylight will soon arrive. Now if only the coffee cup cools down enough that I can drink from it…

Mom gave me some pens she has not used. Ink pens! Gel pens! I love free pens… My Mom is the greatest! Happy, happy, happy!

If you wish to achieve, you must first believe! You can exceed any goal you have decreed! Just continue forward and your effort will manifest what you are working toward!

Coffee! In a seasonal cup, coffee, what more can you ask for?

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Fulfilling A Need

What do we want?
Poems!
Where do we get them?
We make them!
How do we do that?
We engage our creativity!
Who benefits?
The people of the world!
Why does it matter?
It wakes people to happiness!
When can we do it?
Now, because time is slipping by!
What do we want?
Poems!

© Jo Ann J. A. Jordan
Tuesday, October 22, 2013

Invitation Only

Come! Whispered on the air,
Inviting you to join
Others already there…
Come! Such gentle care
Exhibited for all,
Do you want to share?
Come! Do you dare
Accept the invitation,
So very fair?
Come! Do not delay
Make your choice right away
While you have the chance today!
Come! Christ beckons,
The Spirit encourages,
Come as your heart reckons!
Come! While time makes way
Because the moments flee quickly
Hearken now for seconds slip away.
Come! Your choice cannot wait,
Be fast to answer the quiet call
For it urgently decides your fate.
Come! Whispered on the air,
Inviting you to join
Others already there…

© Jo Ann J. A. Jordan
Tuesday, October 22, 2013

These are the nighttime, early morning, ramblings of a restless mind. You should join me at Jo Ann J. A. Jordan on Facebook if you would like to follow my adventures there… Lots of things make it there that never see the blog. I only put it all here today because I thought you might like to experience the process.

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I am grateful:

1)   I have equipment that helps me reach my creative potential.
2)   I am old enough to choose my bedtime, most of the time anyway.
3)   People still visit my blog, even though I am no longer doing the Creativity Project.
4)   Life is a gift we can enjoy in the moment.
5)   People are a precious blessing when they touch my life.

As a prompt, write a how, what, when, where, who, why poem. If you need an example, reread the one I did above. If you are a visual artist, instead of poet, picture something that explore at least one of the aspects. I know you can do this, and I bet you will enjoy it. Your creativity is at least as bountiful as mine.

Thank you so much for visiting Chronicles and reading this post. You might find it enjoyable to browse the archives. There is much material contained there. If you like what you found here you can subscribe for email updates by entering your address in the space provided.

I hope your day meets your expectations. Generally you get out of the hours in direct proportion to what you invest, so make each moment special.

Always,
Jo Ann

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Creativity Project Year Two-Day 148

Journal entry:

Journal 6-5-20130001

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The prompt at my friend Khara’s Our Lost Jungle helped initiate this poem, as did the quote from Ralph Waldo Emerson…

Avoid The Crush

Emerson wrote,
“Things are in the saddle,
And ride mankind.”
Even those many years ago,
It was realized that people
Are crushed under the weight
Of all that they possess.

We need to turn our hearts
To the finer things of spirit,
Letting go our occupation
With always acquiring more,
Our souls are forever reaching
Out to be filled with sweetness
Found in loving interaction.

We can develop our potential
By employing our creative powers
Making our dear held dreams
Become reality and leaving things
To a lesser importance within
The days we live… Then we will
Be much happier every moment.

Loaded down with soulless things
We are crushed and find ourselves
Unable to rise above the heaviness,
We must break free, desiring
Relationships that reward us
With the best fulfillment of
Our many human needs.

Jo Ann J. A. Jordan
Wednesday, June 5, 2013

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I am grateful:

1.   I slept long and soundly with no disturbing dreams.
2.   The buffalo hot wings we had for supper were as good as something at a restaurant.
3.   We have a working air conditioner.
4.   There is rain coming down outside.
5.   Using Bartlett’s Familiar Quotations is helping me write when I have so few ideas.

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I caught up on some rest on this wonderful Wednesday. I hope your day was pleasurable. If you will turn your thoughts to working creatively, I am sure you can make something of worth to share with the world. You have the tools you need, the most important being your imagination. I urge you to give your talent a chance to shine.

As a prompt, use Emerson’s lines, “Things are in the saddle, And ride mankind.” in a poem, story, or journal entry. No doubt you can do something marvelous. If you use this prompt, please leave a link to your work in the comments below.

Thank you for visiting my blog. I hope you will return often, but you might also want to subscribe to Chronicles for updates by email. If you have thoughts, suggestions, or criticism to share, please leave a comment.

Always,
Jo Ann

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Creativity Project Year Two-Day 147

Journal entry:

Journal 6-4-20130001

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Consecration

Silver and gold have I none;
But such as I have, give I T
hee…
I turn my heart toward You,
But that is not fit for my King;
There should be so much more.

I must devote every fiber
Of my existence to You,
Oh my Lord, but You give
Everything to me who am
Completely unworthy of favor.

The life You give me is fit
For highest royalty, but I have
Nothing with which to repay
Your ultimate kindness and
Totally magnanimous love.

My devotion is all I can offer
To You my mighty King,
You hold my life in Your palms
And I am blessed beyond measure
Because of Your sacrifice for me.

Silver and gold have I none;
But such as I have, give I Thee…
Jesus, my heart, my whole being,
Is yours to employ however
It is you may decide, my King.

Jo Ann J. A. Jordan
Tuesday, June 4, 2013

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I am grateful:

1.   I enjoyed staying up all night.
2.   I made progress with installing applications on my tablet.
3.   I only have about 100 pages left to read in The Accursed by Joyce Carol Oates.
4.   God graciously allowed my test results to come back without further irregularities.
5.   Life is rewarding though packed with challenges.

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My day went much better than I expected, because I was very afraid. I hope your day went beyond your expectations as well. Now, while you have a few moments, I encourage you to engage your mind in creative exercise. You are full of talent and gifts that you have hardly explored can bring dreams to fruition. So get busy.

As a prompt, use this line as from the Bible for your inspiration: Silver and gold have I none; but such as I have give I thee. Any part of it, or all of it, can be used in your creation. If you use this prompt, please leave a link to your work in the comments below.

Thank you for visiting my blog. Please come back often. If you are interested in receiving email updates from Chronicles, please subscribe. Any comment you may have to share would be appreciated.

Always,
Jo Ann

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Creativity Project Year Two-Day 146

Journal entry:

Journal 6-3-20130001

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Unbridled

Red is the passion
Of a heart unfettered by
Any real restraint,
One that is given freely,
Totally dedicated.

Scarlet are kisses
Tracking over the body
Of one who lays down
All inhibitions that hold
Burning emotions at bay.

Red is fulfillment
Of wildly raging lovers
In each other’s arms,
Carrying them beyond all
Their dearly held fantasies.

Crimson is the first
Flush of love opening souls
To one another,
The divine connection draws
Sweethearts together always.

Red is the growing
Trust between any who share
Intertwined lives for
Longer than they ever had
Reason to expect they would.

Jo Ann J. A. Jordan
Monday, June 3, 2013

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I am grateful:

1.   I woke up early.
2.   I had a hot shower.
3.   Mom was able to get her bath.
4.   The tablet I wanted went on sale.
5.   Best Buy did have it, even though one of the sales associates said they did not.

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I had a great Monday, although Mom was in a lot of pain and I was saddened by her discomfort. I hope your day was also good. I encourage you to take time to use your imagination and create something to share with others. Even if you only work for your own pleasure it is worthwhile. However, your talent is sure to move people if you put your creations on display.

As a prompt, write about something you have delayed doing. Maybe it is buying something, or sharing news with someone you care about. Whatever it is, write it out. If you use this prompt, please leave a link to your work in the comments below.

Thank you for visiting my blog. I am embarked on a challenge throughout June sponsored by Our Lost Jungle. I hope this will keep me motivated. Please come back to see what I am doing often. You might like to subscribe to Chronicles by email so you receive updates. You comments are always welcome, so leave one below.

Always,
Jo Ann

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Creativity Project Year Two-Day 142

Journal entry:

Journal 5-30-20130001

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I wrote the following poem in the deep darkness of the early morning hours. There is an element of crisis to it…

In Doubt

Am I so wholly
Unpleasing to God that He
Would fully desert
Those for whom I so dearly
Care, leaving them to suffer?

So it seems to me,
For I have constantly prayed
Entreating the Lord
To reach down in His mercy
And alleviate their pain,

But with no result.
I am bereft; believing,
Praying, and hoping
Has worked no good on their part,
They are in great agony.

I am now beset
With undeniable doubt,
I am not given
The strength of faith that Job had;
I am so weakling a worm.

Yet still I pray God
Even should He find it just
To forsake my cause
That He would show unceasing
Love and tenderness to them.

Jo Ann J. A. Jordan
Thursday, May 30, 2013

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This was a Facebook status inspired by the above picture and divided into lines to make a poem…

In Life’s Garden

People are beautiful
And delicate like Summer roses.
They need careful tending
And abundant love to
Reach their glorious potential.
No matter their appearance
People are worthy of respect.
Nurture every person
Who touches your life
And show your gratitude
For the blessings they impart.
Like the roses, people only
Bloom for a little while
And then they fade away.
You are only left with
Memories of their splendor.
So cherish your moments with
Others and share your
Feelings of love.

Jo Ann J. A. Jordan
Thursday, May 30, 2013

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I am grateful:

1.   I got a little sleep, but accomplished a lot overnight.
2.   I decided to call Qwest Diagnostics, and hopefully took care of that problem.
3.   We were not late to Mom’s appointment.
4.   The new program seems to be helping Mom a little.
5.   I got some beautiful pictures today.

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This was an emotional Thursday. I hope your day was more stable and enjoyable. I encourage you to engage your imagination and do some creative work. I guarantee it will enrich your life and touch others with whom you share. You may believe you have nothing to say, but if you open your mind you will find words. I believe in your talent. Believe in yourself.

As a prompt, write a crisis poem, story, or journal entry. You might want to resolve the crisis or leave it as a cliffhanger. You know what writing will nourish you. Follow your heart. If you use this prompt, please leave a link to your work in the comments below.

Thank you so much for reading my words. I have managed another day of writing and I have a little hope that I can go on. You might want to subscribe to Chronicles for future updates. I hope you will also come back to visit. Your comments are always appreciated and they help encourage me. Sometimes I feel the writing is too personal and I should stop sharing, but you all help me go on.

Always,
Jo Ann

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